
5 





Hail the Conquering 
Hero ! 

A Comedy in Three Acts 
By 

ADELAIDE C. ROWELL 




NOTE 

The professional rights in this play are strictly reserved and 
application for the right to produce it should be made to the 
author in care of the publishers. Amateurs may produce it with- 
out payment of royalty on condition that the name of the author 
appears on all programmes and advertising issued in connection 
with such performances. 




VALTER 



BOSTON 

LTER H. BAKER COMPANY 
I 9 2 I 



^"^^ 






Hail the Conquering Hero! 



CHARACTERS 

Mrs. Greenwood. 

Uncle David, Mrs. Greenwood's brother. 

Guy, Mrs. Greenwood' s son. 

Caryl, Mrs. Greenwood' s daughter. 

Richard, Mrs. Greenwood' s foster son. 

t^XJt'SZU } /"■-* ^ «-" ^-'■''- 

Tom ] 

Bob \ friends of Guy. 

Jerry ) 

MILDRED I ^^,^^^^^^^^^, 

Suzanne, Uncle David' s housekeeper. 

Time. — Late summer of the year 1919. 

Scene. — Terrace adjoining Uncle David's house. 

Act I. — Richard the Conqueror. 

Act II, Scene /.—Richard rides forth. i^Next morning.') 
Act II, Scene 2. — Richard rides back. ( Two hours later.) 
Act III. — The echpse of Richard. { The same evening.) 




Copyright, 1921, by Adelaide C. Rowell 
as author and proprietor. 

All stage and moving picture rights reserved, 
©CI.D 58H20 

SEP 1^ x^'l\ 

» . ovA.0 1 



Written for and Dedicated to the 

Class of ig2 1 

of the 

Central High School, Hamilton 

County, T^ennessee 



SYNOPSIS 

When Mrs. Greenwood's artist brother, David, who has 
spent many years abroad, returns home he finds a cool 
reception awaiting him from his seventeen-year-old 
nephew, Guy, and his fifteen-year-old niece, Caryl, who 
feel he has shamed the family by being in Europe at 
the time of the war and yet taking no part in the con- 
flict. They know that if their foster brother, Richard, a 
dashing young lieutenant in the Marines, could have gone 
over he would have saved the family honor. It is Richard 
who now brings the exciting news that two great for- 
eigners. Baron Huysman and General Graveur, are to be 
in the city the next day. They are on a secret mission, 
but the Mayor has gotten wind of their coming and a 
big celebration is to be staged. The following day the 
whole town turns out to do honor to the guests, and 
Caryl is disgusted with her mother and Uncle David for 
not going, as Richard is to lead the parade as Captain 
of the Greys. Later, the young people return home in 
great distress, for the great men have never come; and 
when they learn they are at Uncle David's home they are 
amazed, and hastily conclude they must have come to 
take him back as a military prisoner. Instantly, Uncle 
David becomes dear to them, and Richard forms a daring 
plan to kidnap the foreigners, in which event Caryl is 
persuaded to star, reluctantly, as a " vamp," to lure them 
to their doom. But that night when Caryl goes shakily 
forth to encounter her victims. Uncle David finds her, 
and in the scene that follows the two become such great 
friends that Caryl forgets her mission and it is Uncle 
David who is captured by Richard. Caryl's screams 
bring her mother and the foreigners to the scene, and in 
the explanations that follow the young people find that 
it is Uncle David who is the real hero and Richard the 
pale shadow. 



Hail the Conquering Hero! 



ACT I 

SCENE. — The setting for all three acts is a stone terrace 
adjoining the side entrance of a comfortable brick and 
timber house in the late summer of the year 1919. The 
low gables, the quaint doorway with an old-fashioned 
lantern hung on either door post, the charmingly draped 
windows as seen from the outside, the walls which the 
vines have striven to cover, the variety of potted plants 
and growing things seen everywhere bespeak the 
artistic instinct of the presiding genius of the place. A 
large green rug partly covers the stone floor. To r, 
stands a broad swing banked with cushions, and about 
the terrace are scattered comfortable wicker chairs 
and seats. One feels at first glance the air of comfort 
and artistic fitness of things that gives to the scene a 
homelike and much-lived-in appearance. 

(The curtain rises upon two boys of seventeen or 
eighteen, seated in the swing, both singing loudly and 
atrociously. ^ The one to the right is Tom, a tall, 
slim boy with a dry sense of humor and a quiet way 
of getting what he wants. The other is Guy Green- 
wood, full of ginger, lithe as a sapling, and always 
ready to do anything. You think of him as a born 
cheer leader for college athletics. He and Tom are 
as close to each other as Damon and Pythias, but 
neither was ever known to speak a civil word to the 
other. When we first see them they are singing: 



6 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

"How you going to keep them down on the farm 
after they've seen Pareef " but soon even they see 
that this thing must stop.) 

Tom {glaring at Guy). Good heavens ! This is awful ! 

Guy {bristling up like a game cock). Rotten! Can't 
you carry a tune better than that ? 

Tom. What you talking about ? I had it fine, but you 
were squealing like a stuck pig ! 

Guy. "W hy, darn it all, you were roaring so I couldn't 
hear myself. 

Tom. You were in luck then ! {Stops short and takes 
a good look at a ring Guy is wearing on his little finger.) 
I say, where did you get that ? 

Guy {after a moment's hesitation). Oh — ah — that? 
Why — Uncle David. He picked it up somewhere in 
Belgium — used to go sketching there, you know. 

Tom {impressed). Gee! I sure do like that! I say, 
Guy, I'll match you for it. 

Guy {shortly). You big stiff, you won't do anything 
of the kind ! 

Tom. Oh, come on ! Be a sport ! 

Guy. I can't, I tell you, Uncle David — a — a — ^he gave 
it to me. 

Tom {scornfully). Is that any reason he'd want you 
to be a quitter and not match up when a fellow called 
your game? 

Guy {irritably). I can't. Mother would never for- 
give me. 

Tom {shrugging his shoulders). Oh, well, if you are 
going to be influenced all the time by women 

Guy {indignantly pulling out a coin as he speaks). 
Women! Huh! Of all the nerve! See here, if you're 
going to match with me you'll have to get a move on you. 

Tom. Right oh ! {The two boys spin their coins first 
in the air, then clap them on the backs of their hands, and 
when they uncover ToM gives a caper of joy and Guy 
looks gloomy.) Mine! 

Guy {nervously) . Best two out of three. 

ToM. You're crazy ! I've already won that ring. 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 7 

{Light, quick footsteps are heard off stage, but the 
boys do not hear them.) 

Guy (desperately). Two out of three! 
Tom {magnanimously). Oh well, then! 

{They match again. Tom shouts with delight, and 
Guy thrusts the ring at him indignantly.) 

Guy. Here, take the old thing I 

(Tom is gloating over his prize when a girl's voice 
calls from off stage: "Mother! Guy! Where is 
everybody? " The boys look around in surprise, a 
smile breaking over Tom's face, and even Guy look- 
ing less gloomy. ) 

Tom. Caryl home ! 

Guy. How did she get here? I know Mother wasn't 
expecting her home from camp for several days. 

(There now enters from the wings a girl of fifteen. 
This is Caryl Greenwood, Gi;y's sister. In her 
build she resembles him very much: slim and grace- 
ful, with quick, lithe movements. But here the resem- 
blance ends, for Caryl is like herself and no one 
else. The younger sister of two brothers, she has all 
their love for outdoor sports, and will take any dare 
they care to offer. Yet, withal, she is very feminine. 
Quick of tongue, and full of the animal spirits of 
youth, she will at times become unaccountably shy. 
Her hair is a soft brown with copperish lights in it, 
her features regular with a touch of piquant delicacy, 
her color fresh, and in her grey eyes there is a 
constant play of expression from, gayety to wistful- 
ness. Her face is flushed with excitement, and her 
eyes bright as she runs in, calling to her family. She 
is dressed in a simple white middy suit. Her hair 
is worn in a loose plait finishing in a curl. A re- 
lieved smile breaks over her face as she spies the 
two boys.) 



8 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

Caryl. Goodness, but I'm glad to find somebody at 
last ! I thought the family must have moved. (The boys 
run to her and she holds out a hand to each. Tom grabs 
one and shakes it like a pump handle. Caryl rescues 
her hand.) Save the pieces, Tommy. 

Guy (giving her a brotherly peck on the cheek). What 
you mean by coming home like this and not letting a 
soul know about it? 

Caryl. I wanted to surprise you, and when I reached 
home there was nobody to surprise. 

Guy. Serves you right. If you'd told me you were 
coming I'd have met you at the depot with the car. 

Caryl (radiantly). Oh, Richard did that! 

Guy (brusquely) . How did he know? 

(Caryl laughs in a provoking manner, but does not 
enlighten him.) 

Tom (courting trouble). Heard about that camp of 
yours in Virginia. 

Caryl (taking up the challenge). North Carolina! 

Tom. Well anyway, old Bill Martin went up there one 
day to visit his sister, and he's been killing himself laugh- 
ing about it ever since. 

Caryl (with spirit). Billie never so much as stuck 
his nose inside of our camp ! 

(Guy and Tom chuckle and jeer at her.) 

Guy. Bill said they all wore Indian togs, and danced 
around a wood fire every night. 

Tom. And called each other Indian names. What 
was yours, Caryl ? Popocatepetl ? 

Caryl (laughing). Smarty! Billie's sister wasn't at 
our camp at all. And we didn't wear those silly things. 
We had bloomers and middies, and we did everything 
wild and woolly we could think of. It was gorgeous ! 

Guy. Huh ! You're all sunburned. 

Caryl. Huh ! I don't care if I am. It was such fun 
I didn't want to leave, but now I'm here I'm glad as 
anything to be home. 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 9 

Tom. Darned if I'm not glad, too. 
(Caryl smiles at him, as she crosses over to Guy.) 

Caryl. Richard says Daddy is still in Washington. 
I'm so disappointed ! I can hardly wait to see him. And 
Guy, where is Mother? Do you think she'll be gone 
long ? 

Guy. No. She's just out riding with Uncle David. 

(Caryl's face lights up with a new interest,) 

Caryl. Tell me about Uncle David, Brother. Do you 
like him? He has been over here a month now, hasn't 
he ? What is he like ? Is he 

(Tom shouts with laughter, and Guy breaks in in- 
dignantly, ) 

Guy. Hold on there ! What you think I am ? 

Caryl {laughing). Tell me, Buddy. I'm so curious 
to know about him. 

Guy {helplessly) . Oh — a — ^he's all right, I reckon. 

Tom {generously) . He's a good scout. I like him. 

Guy {in puzzled tones). Mother has been the queerest 
ever since he came. Can't let him out of her sight. 

Caryl {coaxingly). Tell me about it please. You 
know our camp was miles away from a post-office, and I 
am sure half of Mother's letters never reached me. What 
made him come so suddenly? 

Guy. Well, it seems he had been sick for a long time 
in a hospital in England. 

Caryl. Did Mother know he was sick? 

Guy. No, he wouldn't let them tell her. As soon as 
he began to feel better he decided to come home to 
Mother. 

Tom {curiously). Whatever made him go to France 
to live? 

Caryl. He's an artist. 

Tom. Couldn't he be one and stay at home? 

Caryl. Of course not, silly! (To Guy.) And then 
what did he do ? 



10 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO I 

Guy. Well, you know he owned this house next door 
to ours {Designating the one they are enhancing.) so he 
wrote Mother to have it fixed up for him — gave her all 
manner of directions, and one day he turned up and has 
been living here ever since. 

Caryl {looking around her critically). I'll say it for 
Mother she made a good job of it. 

Tom. Oh, he's done wonders with it himself. You 
ought to see that man. I swear, he can stick a burnt 
match in the ground, and the next day a rose-bush will be 
sprouting from it. 

Caryl {thoughtfully). Doesn't sound much like a 
man, does it? Imagine Daddy planting flowers! What 
does he look like, anyway? 

Guy. Tall and thin. 

Tom. Dad told me he used to be a wonderful big fel- 
low. Best back at Virginia. 

Guy {zvith an unconscious note of contempt in his 
voice). Think of a crack full-back turning out to be 
an artist ! 

(Tom shakes his head as though the idea was too much 
for him. Caryl and Guy seat themselves in the 
swing, and Tom on the table.) 

Caryl. Of course, I want to see him, but 

Guy. He's crazy to see you. Talks about you a lot. 
Says he loves girls. 

Caryl {helplessly) . Dear me, I won't know what to 
say to him. I never knew an artist before. 

Tom {inspired). Tell him about the camp. 

Caryl. I can't talk indefinitely about that. Besides, 
an artist wouldn't care to hear about a crowd of girls in 
middies and bloomers running around the woods and 
swimming and all that sort of thing. 

Guy {ponderously). Just talk to him about — well, 
about anything, and when you kind of run down, ask him 
about — oh say, about life in Paris. 

Caryl {horrified). Oh Guy, I'd be afraid to! Rich- 
ard says the way those artists live over there is some- 
thing awful ! 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO! 11 

Tom (Tvith a knowing wink). I'll say it is! Fellow 
was telling me about it once — Mmh ! 

Guy (heavily). Reckon you're right. Better keep off 
that Paris line of talk then. 

Caryl (sighing). I can't understand why we should 
have to — to have an artist in our family — Mother's own 
brother, 

Tom. But she thinks he's all right. 

(In the moment's silence that follon^s it is plain to be 
seen that Caryl and Guy do not agree with their 
mother. The girl now asks with some hesitation, as 
though ashamed it should be necessary to ask such a 
question about a member of her family:) 

Caryl. Does — does he talk much about the war ? 

Guy (flushing). Not a word. Gets all upset when 
you mention it. 

Caryl. Wasn't he in it — not even a little ? 

Guy. Guess not. Mother won't let us ask him a 
thing about it. 

(A middle-aged woman of the French peasant class 
comes to the door, looks out and nods to the boys, 
glances curiously at Caeyl, and then disappears 
again within the house. ' 

Caryl. Who is that ? 

Guy. His housekeeper, Suzanne. He brought her 
with him from France. 

Caryl (moved). What a sad face she has ! 

Guy. No wonder ! The Boche killed her husband. 

Caryl (springing to her feet, her eyes aflame). Oh, 
how could any man stay over there and not fight for 
France! If only I had been old enough nothing could 
have kept me at home ! 

Guy (mournfully). We Greenwoods didn't have any- 
one over there to fight for us. They made Father stick 
up there in Washington, and Richard 

(He pauses with kindling eye, and it is apparent from 



12 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

the proud interest called forth in each young face 
that the aforesaid Richard is a shining light among 
them.) 

Caryl (rebelliously). If they had only let Richard go 
he would have fought for us as long as there was any- 
thing left to fight ! 

Tom (proudly). Old Dick would have made those 
Dutchies sit up and take notice ! 

Guy {gloomily). And if the fool Government didn't 
keep him drilling rookies in that fool Marine camp — 
drilling rookies! — and then when he did get his orders 
to go across, if the fool war wasn't called off when he 
was in Hoboken waiting to sail ! Rotten luck, I call it ! 

Tom (seised with an inspired thought). I believe 
there was some German propaganda behind it. They 
had spies in all our camps, and I bet you when they 
found out what a dare-devil old Dick was they pulled 
the wires to keep him on this side. 

Guy (impressed). I hadn't thought of that. Richard 
would be furious if he thought that was true. He'd lick 
the very first German he met. 

Caryl (softly). If Richard only could have gone! 

{There is no sentiment in Caryl's attitude toward 
Richard. Some day she may fall in love with him, 
but now her feeling toward him differs little from 
that of the boys, though being a girl it has added 
depth and tenderness.) 

Guy. Alvin York would have been a pale shadow 
beside Dick if he could only have gone ! 

Caryl. I know he would have won the Croix de 
Guerre. 

Tom. Oh my, yes I 

Guy. Tough luck ! If Dick could only have been over 
there instead of Uncle David ! 

(At this unfortunate moment Uncle David enters with 
his sister, Mrs. Greenwood. She is a pretty woman, 
wholesome, well poised, and possessed of a youthful 
charm that will keep her young if she lives a full 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO \ I3 

century. Young people like her naturally, and her 
own children adore her, though often they manifest 
it in a most peculiar and unfathomable manner. But 
it never matters for she always understands. Uncle 
David is a man in the neighborhood of forty, dark 
hair shot with grey, smooth face, a mouth that re- 
minds one of Caryl's, and eyes dark grey with a 
tragedy written within them which he strives to hide 
beneath a whimsical air. He is very tall with a large 
frame which shows signs of a long illness, though 
he seems now to be on the road to better health.) 

Uncle D. {pleasantly). Who is taking my name in 
vain ? 

(There follows a moment of confusion and embarrass- 
ment on the part of the young people, soon dispelled, 
however, by Caryl and her mother discovering each 
other.) 

Mrs. G. Caryl ! 

Caryl. Mother! {She throws herself joyously into 
her mother's outstretched arms, and the two embrace, 
laughing in happy excitement.) I surprised you. 
Mother ! 

Mrs. G. I should think you did! What made you 
come so soon? 

Caryl. I — well, it seemed ages since I had seen you. 
Mother. 

Mrs. G. Bless your heart! I've missed you so! 
{Looking into her face, a hand on either cheek.) And 
how well you are looking. You are as sunburned as Guy. 
How was the camp, dear ? 

Caryl {bursting with animal spirits). Glorious! I 
haven't been still a minute . . . rowing, swimming, 
hiking, shooting. Mother, what do you think? I can 
hit the bull's-eye nine times out of ten ! 

Tom {sarcastically). What with? A hammer? 

Caryl {laughing). You hateful old thing! 

{They all laugh, and it is then that Mrs. Greenwood 
remembers she has not yet presented Caryl to her 



14 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

Uncle David. He has been looking at the girl with 
keen interest, a wistful look on his long, lean face.) 

Mrs. G. But come, you must meet your Uncle David. 
(With an arm about her daughter she leads her proudly 
to her brother.) David, dear, this is the httle girl you 
have been wanting to see ever since she was a baby. 

(For one vibrant moment the girl and her uncle stand 
looking into each other's eyes, he visibly moved, and 
she frankly interested; then with a shy smile, she 
holds out both hands to him. Her action is very 
sweet, but one misses the youthful abandon of her 
greeting with her mother. Uncle David does not 
seem to notice this, however, and drawing the girl to 
him, he kisses her upturned lips. Laying both 
hands upon her shoulders, he looks down upon her 
with a smiling tenderness that brings a blush of 
confusion to her cheeks.) 

Uncle D. So this is my little Caryl at last! I have 
been waiting for many years to see you, my dear, and I 
am not disappointed. 

Caryl {uncomfortably). I — I'm glad — ^you're not. 

Guy {flippantly). You weren't expecting much of 
her, were you, Uncle? 

Uncle D. {amused). You scamp! {To his sister,) 
That's the way I used to talk to you, wasn't it, Nancy ? 

Mrs. G. You were insufferable at times, David. 

Caryl. So is Guy. I don't know how he will end up. 

Uncle D. {his eyes tzdnkling) . Not as an artist, I 
hope. 

Guy {taken off his guard). I should say not! Er — I 
mean — I 

{He breaks off in helpless confusion and Uncle David 
takes pity on him.) 

Uncle D. That's a wise resolve, Guy, for if you ever 
tried to paint it would be jazz stuff, I feel sure. {To 
Caryl.) So you are an all-round out-of-doors girl? 

Caryl {self-consciously) . I suppose so. 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 1 5 

Mrs. G. (thrusting Caryl good-naturedly toward her 
Uncle). I'll leave you two to get acquainted now, while 
I run in and speak to Suzanne about that new recipe. 

(Caryl watches her mother disappear into the house 
in agonising silence. Tom feels now it is time for 
him to leave this family party.) 

Tom. Well, I must be getting along. 
Guy. Oh don't go, Tom. 
Tom. Have to. So long, folks. 
Caryl. So long, Tom. 

(Uncle David now settles himself on the swing, Caryl 
dutifully seats herself beside him, and Guy hovers 
restlessly near, hands in pockets. Uncle David 
looks cheerful and disposed to be friendly, but the 
young people accept the trying situation almost 
grimly. Their uncle tries to put them at their ease, 
but they s^em incapable of feeling anything so com- 
fortable.) 

Uncle D. (genially). Well now, we three have lost 
a lot of time in getting to know each other, and will have 
to make up for it, won't we? 

Caryl (sitting very erect, answers stiffly). Yes, sir. 

(Guy nods and jingles the loose change in his pockets. 
The lack of enthusiasm shown would dampen the 
spirits of almost anyone, but Uncle David carries on 
manfully.) 

Uncle D. As far back as I can remember I loved 
your mother better than anyone else in the world. Our 
mother, you know, died when I was a baby, so Nancy 
was always Mother and sister both to me. She was a 
little older than I, but she never bossed me. She had a 
way of making me do as she wished without letting me 
know it was the thing I ought to do. 

(Caryl and Guy thaw out a bit and laugh.) 

Caryl. Mother is still that way. 

Guy. Even old Dick eats out of her hand. 



l6 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

Uncle D. {nodding wisely). She will manage us all 
to the end of our days. We grew up together, and it was 
not until after your father took her from me that I left 
her and went abroad to study and paint. 

Caryl {frankly). Whatever made you decide to be 
an artist. Uncle David? 

Uncle D. I didn't decide that, my dear. Something 
within me decided it for me. Perhaps it may speak to 
you some day, and if it should you will have to do as it 
says. Do you ever try to draw or paint ? 

Guy {proudly). Yes she does! She's a wonder, 
Uncle David. She can draw anything. 

Caryl {with determination). Well, I'm not going to 
be an artist. 

Uncle D. {amused). And what are you going to do, 
Caryl ? 

Caryl (defiantly). Get married. 

(Guy shouts with laughter, but Uncle David smiles 
under standingly.) 

Uncle D. That is better than being a Raphael. 
Caryl. Well, if I did want to be an artist, I would 

have to go to Europe and study, and Richard says 

Guy {motioning to her uneasily). Ahem! 

(Caryl stops suddenly and Uncle David's eyes 
twinkle. ) 

Uncle D. And what does Richard have to say, Caryl ? 

Caryl {recklessly). He says it is no place for a lady. 

Uncle D. Mo doubt Richard is quite correct. 

Caryl. Richard says it is awful the way art — (Guy 
coughs and she corrects herself hastily.) err — ^people live 
over there. 

Uncle D. And where did Richard get all this inter- 
esting information? 

Guy. He picked up a lot of stuff like that in the army. 

Caryl {eagerly). You know Richard was in the 
army — nineteen and a lieutenant in the Marines I 

Uncle D. Wonderful ! 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 1 7 

Caryl (pleased). We thought so too, but they didn't 
let him go across ! 

Guy. He'd have been a captain in a month or two if 
he'd only had a chance at the fighting. 

Caryl (appealing to her uncle). Wasn't it a shame 
he didn't get to go, Uncle David ? 

Uncle D. Absolutely inexcusable. 

Guy. He'd have won his Croix de Guerre. 

Uncle D. Undoubtedly. 

Caryl (proudly). But now he is home again they 
have made him captain of the Jackson Greys ! Just think 
of it! The oldest troop in the state, the one Grand- 
father commanded when he fought under Stonewall 
Jackson ! 

Uncle D. So we have a real hero in our family ? 

Guy. I'll say we have ! 

Caryl. I could listen to him forever when he is tell- 
ing about his experiences in camp. 

(Uncle David sees that he shines with but a pale, 
sickly light beside the flaming glory of this young 
hero.) 

Uncle D. (to Caryl). You could not love Richard 
more if he were your own brother, could you? 

Caryl (softly as though this were a new thought) . I 
had never thought of him as anything else. You know 
his father was Daddy's best friend, and he died at our 
house before I was born — the father, not Richard, you 
know. He left Richard to Daddy and Mother, so he has 
always been my brother. 

Uncle D. May he always be just that. 

Caryl (puzzled). What do you mean. Uncle David? 

(He is prevented from answering by the appearance of 
Mrs. Greenwood from the house, bearing a plate of 
tarts.) 

Mrs G. See what Suzanne has sent to the poor hun- 
gry children! 



l8 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

(Caryl and Guy greet her arrival with an enthusiasm 
that is as much a compliment to her as to the tarts ) 

GvY (helping himself). Suzanne's a brick ! 

Caryl {taking one). She must have known I was 
starved, Mother! (Takes a bite.) M-m-h ! Suzanne has 
made a new friend ! (A voice off stage is heard calling 
" Mother I Caryl! Oh Guy I" Caryl's face lights 
happily.) It's Richard! (Calling.) Here we are, 
Richard ! 

Voice. All right, Caryl ! 

(Sounds of other youthful voices, and then enter 
Richard, accompanied by several boys, among whom 
is Tom. Richard is a handsome young fellow of 
twenty, perhaps, conscious no doubt of his good 
looks, but not sufficiently so to detract from the un- 
deniable charm of his personality. He affects hair, 
clothes and mannerisms that are reminiscent of Lord 
Byron — but never absurdly so. The miniature mus- 
tache he wears, however, is quite modern a la Charlie 
Chaplin. He is so used to the admiration of those 
slightly his juniors that he accepts it with an easy 
good nature very charming and becoming to his style 
of being. One has a feeling that he has in him the 
making of a fine man, though he will always be prone 
to play his part to the grandstand. Mrs. Green- 
wood and Uncle David secretly exchange looks of 
amusement as he appears on the scene; but Caryl's 
eyes glow with the light of hero worship for this 
youth five years her senior.) 

Uncle D. (twitting him). Why, Dick, you enter my 
poor garden plot like the conquering hero in a ten-twenty- 
and-thirty cent melodrama. 

Richard (genially, as though he too were in the sere 
and yellow leaf). Those good old days are gone, sir. 
Now we have to be movie heroes; don't we, little Mother? 

(Catching Mrs. Greenwood affectionately by both 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! I9 

hands. She smiles into his eyes with tender amuse- 
ment.) 

Mrs. G. We do indeed, son. And can it be that you 
are staging a scene yourself to-day, Richard? Is this 
not the flush of excitement that I see registered upon 
your cheek? 

(Richard affects an air of nonchalance, but his com- 
panions break in with excited comments. ) 

Tom. Tell 'em the news, Dick ! 
Guy. I thought he was keeping something up his 
sleeve ! 
Jerry. Tell 'em about it, Dick ! 
Bob. Real thing, Mrs. Greenwood! 

Jerry. Dick's going to 

Tom. Shut up ! Let Dick tell 'em about it ! 

(Tom has been keeping his ring well hidden, but as he 
speaks he makes a gesture that gives Richard a 
glimpse of it, and it is not lost.) 

Uncle D. (plaintively). Man, are you going to let 
us stand here in a state of expectancy until we petrify? 

(Richard laughs easily, but there is a note of excite- 
ment in his voice. ) 

Guy. Aw, hurry up ! 

Richard (running his hand gracefully through his 
pompadour). After I met you this morning, Caryl 

Caryl (joyfully explaining to her Mother). He met 
me at the depot. 

Mrs. G. (amused and surprised). Oh, he did I Well, 
go on, Richard. 

Richard. As I was saying, after leaving you I ran 
into the Mayor, and he seemed pleased as Punch. " If 
this isn't luck ! " he said. " I've been trying to locate you 
for over an hour." (Modestly.) I assured him I was 



10 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

at his service, and he said: "Well now, that's a great 
relief to me, and I am going to depend on you to put 
this little matter through for me." 

Caryl. Put what through ? You are the slowest thing, 
Richard ! 

Richard (laughing charmingly) . All right then, little 
Sister, I'll get down to business. In short, the Mayor 
told me he had just gotten wind of the fact that two 
world renowned war heroes from abroad are going to be 
in the city to-morrow, (Eagerly.) and you can't guess 
who they are ! 

Guy (shouting). Not General Graveur who is over 
here on a special mission ; the fellow the poilus will follow 
anywhere ? 

Richard (forgetting to pose in his excitement). The 
very one, Guy. And with him is Baron Huysman, the 
idol of Belgium ! 

(Uncle David and Mrs. Greenwood exchange quick 
glances. He looks annoyed and she very thought- 
ful.) 

Tom. What are they coming here for, Dick? 

Richard. Don't know — Mayor hasn't an idea. They 
are on some secret mission and evidently did not intend 
letting anyone know they were in town. But the Mayor 
got on to it somehow or other, and he's going to give them 
a great reception, I can tell you. (Appealing to Mrs. 
Greenwood.) Couldn't let great men like that go 
through here without showing 'em what we thought of 
the way they fought, could we. Mother? 

Mrs. G. (absent-mindedly) . No — of course not. 

Guy. What are you going to do for them, Dick ? 

Richard. Meet them at the depot with a band, every- 
body come out with their cars decorated in French and 
Belgian flags, banquet at the Chilton 

Caryl (breathlessly) . And you — Richard? . . . 

Richard (with great show of indifference). Oh, I? 
Why, the Greys are going to be the guard of honor, and 
as captain I'll head the parade. 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 21 

Caryl {her voice hushed with awe). Mother, isn't it 
wonderful ? 

Mrs. G. {her arm around the girl). Splendid! It is 
grander than having a policeman in the family to march 
in the parades. 

Caryl {shocked). Mother! 

Guy {enviously). Richard, will you get to meet 
them ? 

Richard. Of course! I'm on the reception com- 
mittee at the depot. In fact, the Mayor turned all the 
arrangements over to me. 

Jerry. Gosh, what luck ! 

Tom. I bet I join the Greys the minute I'm eighteen ! 

{Again Richard catches sight of the ring on Tom's 
finger, and his eye kindles covetously.) 

Uncle D. {thoughtfully). What time did you say 
you were expecting the distinguished visitors, Richard ? 
Richard. Two o'clock, sir. 
Uncle D. Hml Two p. m. 

{He motions to his sister and they step hack and en- 
gage in serious conversation. At the same time two 
of Caryl's girl friends, Jean and Mildred, run in 
and greet the newly returned camper with enthusi- 
asm. The boys and Guy join the group, and Tom 
is moving that way when Richard hauls him back 
peremptorily.) 

Richard. Hey, wait a minute ! Let me see that ring. 
(Tom displays it reluctantly.) Where did you get it? 

Tom {uneasily). Friend. 

Richard {impressed). It's swell. Where did he get 
it? 

Tom {audaciously). France. A Duchess gave it to 
him. You see, a Boche was trying to kill her, and he 
came along just in time to save her, so she rewarded him 
by giving him this ring. 

Richard {grinning). Some tale. Tommy! Say, I'll 
match you for it ! 



12 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

Tom (scornfully). Darned if you will! 

Richard. Oh come on, be a sport! 

Tom (bored). I don't even hear you. 

Richard (sweetly). What's the matter, honey? 
Won't your mamma let you match for things any more ? 

Tom (hotly, drawing a coin from his pocket). I do 
as I darn please ! Well, put up, put up ! 

Richard (gaily spinning a coin in the air). That's the 
man! Let's go, Tom! (They match and Richard lets 
out a shout. ) It's mine ! 

Tom (firmly). Best two out of three! 

Richard (generously). Oh, well, just as you say. 
(They match again and Richard laughs triumphantly.) 
You see it was meant for me. 

Tom (shortly, handing the ring over). Here, take the 
old thing! 

Richard. Tough luck. Tommy, but it's all in a life- 
time. 

(He is examining it when the girls and hoys gather 
around him again, so he slips it quickly into his 
pocket. Caryl has been telling the girls the excit- 
ing news, and they are duly impressed. ) 

Caryl. And think of it — he'll get to meet them ! 

Guy. The great Graveur! They say he's not afraid 
of anything ! 

Jerry. You're in luck, Dick ! 

Richard (easily). I am pretty lucky, I'll admit it. 

Mildred (laughing up into his face). Richard, will 
you speak to me when you ride down the street at the 
head of the Greys? 

Jean. No, he'll not ! He's a perfect old stick when 
he's in a parade. 

(Richard laughs provokingly.) 

Mildred. Not even if I wear my new pink dress and 
hat? 

Jean. Richard, please salute us. I'd be so thrilled 
if you would! 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 23 

Richard (laughing). Oh, you children! What 
would the General think if I did a thing like that? 
(Looks at his wrist watch.) Say, it's getting late, and I 
promised the Mayor I would attend to a lot of things for 
him. And my uniform. (To Caryl.) Little Sister, 
will you do something for me ? 

Caryl (thrilled). You know I will. Brother. 

Richard. A little snag in my sash 

Caryl. I'll mend it for you. 

Richard. That's the girl ! (He throws one arm with 
careless fondness about her shoulders, and thus they turn 
to go. At the exit he looks back with a genial nod.) 
So long, folks ! See you later. 

All (with feeling). So long, Dick! 

(In silent envy and deepest admiration they watch him 
disappear. In the doorway of his home Uncle 
David looks on with his sister, quite forgotten by 
the young people in their admiration for this gallant 
hero. ) 

Tom. Some good scout ! 
Bob. I'll say he is ! 

CURTAIN 



ACT II 

Scene i 

SCENE. — Same as Act I. Time: About noon of the 
following day. 

(Suzanne is seen pottering about the flowers and 
plants, when Caryl enters hurriedly. She is in a 
state of happy excitement, cheeks flushed and eyes 
dancing. She is wearing a simple white dress, and is 
carrying a panama hat in one hand and a French 
and a Belgian flag in the other. From the smile she 
gives Suzanne, and the one she wins in return, it is 
apparent the two have already become the best of 
friends.) 

Caryl (gaily, her pronunciation atrocious). Bon jour, 
Suzanne. C'est un joli apres-midi. 

Suzanne (slowly, a broad smile spreading over her 
sad face). Oh, ma chere, you should speak only the 
English, for you cannot speak the French. 

Caryl (pretending to be offended, though her eyes 
deny the charge). Why, Suzanne, how can you talk that 
way ? I give you my word I can parley vous better than 
anyone in our French class. 

Suzanne (quaintly). It would be most droll to lis- 
ten to that class in conversatione. 

Caryl (laughing). Between you and me, Suzanne, it 
is something awful. Mother says — and that reminds me. 
I didn't come over here to talk French. I'm in the big- 
gest hurry. Where is Mother? 

Suzanne. She is with the master in his studio. 

Caryl (impatiently). She is always over here now. 
I've scarcely seen her since I came home. 

Suzanne (gently). But, ma chere, he is her brother. 

Caryl fo bit hurt). And I'm her daughter. 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 25 

(Enter Guy, busy and important. With him is Tom, 
and the two are followed closely by the girls, Jean 
and Mildred, who are dressed in pretty summer 
clothes and bedecked in flags and streamers. All are 
talking and laughing excitedly.) 

Guy. Come on. Sister, we are all ready to go. 
Caryl. I've been looking for Mother. Suzanne says 
she's in there. 

Guy. Well, run and get her. 

Caryl {calling). Mother! Oh, Mother! 

{She disappears within the house.) 

Jean. Did you see our car ? Daddy went away in it 
a few minutes ago. It was wonderful, even the wheels 
were decorated. 

Tom. So were ours. 

Mildred. Colonel Tanner was going to ride in ours 
with Daddy. 

Guy. I worked on ours last night until Mother made 
me go to bed. 

Jean, It looks grand, Guy. 

{Enter Bob and Jerry, bursting with news.) 

Jerry. Say, you ought to see old Dick! 

Mildred. Is he ready? 

Bob. Almost; and when he comes we'd better be 
ready to leave. 

Jean. Richard is the best looking thing in his Grey 
uniform ! 

Mildred. Wonderful! . . . And not a bit con- 
ceited. 

(Mrs. Greenwood comes from, house and is hailed 
enthusiastically. ) 

Mrs. G. (gaily) . Dear me, but this is a festive looking 
gathering! You look so patriotic that I really feel I 
should stand at attention and say, " They shall not pass ! " 

(They gather around her laughing at her nonsense.) 



26 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

Jean. Mother says I look a fright in this pink idress 
draped in all these flags and streamers. She says my 
colors clash. 

Mrs. G. But clashing colors are the latest style, they 
tell me. 

(Caryl enters from house, and at sight of her mother 
sighs with relief.) 

Caryl {reproachfully). Mother, I have been looking 
everywhere for you ! 

Mrs. G. Well, here I am, dear. 

Guy. We are all ready. Mother, and the car looks 
fine. 

Caryl. Put your hat and things on and let's go so we 
won't miss anything! Please hurry, Mother! 

Jerry. Here comes Richard! 

{All eyes are turned toward Richard, who enters most 
gloriously. He wears a trim blue-grey uniform, cap- 
tain's epaulets, a red sash around his slim waist, a 
sword, long black boots, and a broad, black hat 
cocked on one side with a red rosette. He makes a 
very picturesque figure as he walks gracefully across 
the terrace toward the waiting band of admirers, and 
we can hardly blame him if he seems to radiate a 
glow of self-satisfaction. He has just come from his 
trusty mirror, and he knows he has seen something 
well worth looking upon. Mrs. Greenwood watches 
him with an air of kindly amusement, but her daugh- 
ter is spellbound with hero-worship. ) 

Caryl {softly). Mother, aren't you glad Richard 
belongs to us ? 

Mrs. G. {with assumed humility). I always try to 
show my appreciation of him. {To Richard.) Wel- 
come, my Prince. 

{Snatching off his hat, he sweeps her a courtly bow.) 

Richard. And how is the Dowager this fair morn- 
ing? 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 27 

Mrs. G. Speechless with admiration. 
Richard (eagerly, almost pleadingly). You are go- 
ing with us, aren't you, Mother ? 

(She shakes her head, smiling at him fondly.) 

Mrs. G. I am afraid I can't go, Dick. 

Caryl {horrified almost past belief). Mother! 

Mrs. G. Something very important has come up that 
will keep your uncle and me here all afternoon. 

Richard (^disappointed). Pshaw! I am sorry! 

Mrs. G. It is unfortunate, but it can't be helped. 

Caryl (unable to forgive her mother's cruelty). I 
don't see how you could let anything keep you away. It 
isn't fair to Richard! 

Mrs. G. (patting Richard fondly). I am sure Rich- 
ard understands. 

(Caryl turns away in aggrieved silence, but Richard 
takes his disappointment manfully.) 

Richard (giving Mrs. G. a boyish hug). Of course 
I do, little Mother ! (^To the others.) But it's late and 
we'd better be getting on. 

Tom. I should say it is late. 

Guy. Come on, people, the cars are all out in front! 

(The young people all start away chattering happily. 
Caryl is moving silently away after them when her 
mother calls to her gently.) 

Mrs. G. Oh, Caryl ! 

Caryl (not turning). Yes . . . Mother? 

Mrs. G. Are you going away without telling me good- 
bye? (Caryl turns back reluctantly and coldly presents 
her cheek to her mother. Mrs. G., with quiet reproach.) 
Not that way, my little girl. 

(Turning away she starts toward the house. For a 
moment Caryl watches her in stunned surprise, then 
a lightning change comes over her, and springing 
after her mother, seizes hold of her impulsively.) 



28 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

Caryl (pleadingly). Mother, don't leave me like 
that ! 

(Her mother rests her hands on the girl's shoulders, 
and smiles into her eyes.) 

Mrs. G. And how were you leaving me ? 

Caryl {laughing). There, I might have known you'd 
have the best of it in the end! (Kisses her mother with 
youthful abandon. ) Now, are we friends again ? 

Mrs. G. (smiling). Till the next time. 

(She turns again to enter the house just as Richard 
enters calling imperiously to Caryl.) 

Richard. Here, here. Sis! Come along — ^you want 
to be late ? 

Caryl (happily). Coming! (But she tarries to wave 
a last good-bye to her mother. Richard lays an im- 
patient hand upon her arm to drag her away, and as he 
does so Caryl stares at it in delighted surprise.) Rich- 
ard! Where did you get that ring? (Richard, taken 
aback, tries at first to hide it, but seeing this is too late, 
allows Caryl to examine it; though without enthusiasm.) 
This is a beauty. Where did you get it, Richard? 

Richard (evasively) . Friend of mine. 

Caryl (looking shrewdly into his face). A friend! 
Do you mean to tell me that a friend gave you this won- 
derful ring? 

Richard (plunging in courageously). Well, you see, 
he was badly wounded in a — in Italy, and — and when 
they brought him home I was kind to him. Just before 
he died 

Caryl (sympathetically). Did he die? 

Richard (heavily). Oh, yes — gave me this on his 
death bed. He was in Aviation over in Italy, and one 
day he had the good luck to save the Queen of Italy from 
being bombed by a German Zeppelin, The King gave 
him this ring for his brave act. 

(Caryl, who has been listening all the while with a 



I 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 2g 

solemn face, now throws back her head and laughs 
delicioitsly. ) 

Caryl. Why, Dick, couldn't you tell a better one than 
that? 

Richard (grinning). Best one I could think of. 

Caryl (feeling her way). You matched for it, didn't 
you? 

Richard (on guard). That's my affair. 

Caryl (all alert). I'll match you for it, Richard. 

Richard (shortlyj. No you won't! 

Caryl. Well, I'd like to know why ? 

Richard (stiffly). I don't match with girls. 

Caryl (stubbornly). You've matched with me plenty 
of times. 

Richard. But it isn't right and I'll not do it any 
more. 

Caryl. Huh! I know why. It's because I always 
win. 

(This is too much for Richard.) 

Richard (haughtily). Put up then, and we'll settle 
this matter. 

Caryl (radiantly). Lend me a quarter, Buddy. 
(Gloomily he draws forth two coins and hands one to 
Caryl. Caryl spins hers deftly in the air. ) I'm ready ! 

(They match and Caryl laughs out merrily.) 

Richard (in disgust). You beat anything I ever saw. 

Caryl (generously). Well, then, make it best two 
out of three. 

Richard (seising her hand roughly and putting the 
ring on her finger) . What's the use ? If we matched a 
million times you'd win every time. 

(Throwing back her head and raising aloft the hand 
with the ring upon it so she can see it the better, 
Caryl pirouettes off the stage, half singing as she 
goes.) 



3© HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO I 

Caryl. Think o£ it, old Ring, the King of Italy gave 
you to Dick's friend! Just think of it — a king! Won- 
derful ! Wonderful ! Come on, Richard, they are toot- 
ing their horns for us ! 

{The curtain falls upon Richard stalking off stage in 
offended dignity, Caryl laughing back at him from 
over her shoulder.) 



Act II. Scene 2 
SCENE. — Same as before. Time: Two hours later. 

{Men's voices are heard raised in hearty laughter, and 
then, enter Uncle David zmth Baron Huysman 
and General Graveur. Both men are somewhere 
in the neighborhood of forty, though the Frenchman 
looks a bit older. He is a lean, wiry built man of 
medium height, with a military mustache and goatee. 
His actions are quick and alert, and his sharp black 
eyes are ever busy noting every detail about him. 
The Belgian is of a wholly different type. He is 
rather tall and inclining to stoutness, merry blue 
eyes, a smiling face set off by a mustache trimmed 
and turned to a fastidious nicety. He is deliberate 
in his movements, and his laugh is genuine and in- 
fectious. Both men speak English perfectly with 
only a slight foreign accent.) 

Graveur {comically). I am unnerved, David. I 
feel as I did when the Boche chased us to the fateful 
Marne. 

Uncle D. Oh, that Is mild to what they'll do to you 
when they have found you've escaped from them. 

Huysman {tragically). What will they do, David? 

Uncle D. {grimly). Trail you with bloodhounds, and 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 3 1 

when they have captured you they'll take you away to a 
banquet 

Graveur. Mon Dieu ! 

Uncle D. And there will be speeches — ^many long 
speeches 



HuYSMAN (pathetically). Is there no way to escape ? 

Uncle D. What do you expect, man? This is 
America! (Mrs. Greenwood now enters and her 
brother hastens to present the two foreigners.) Back 
safe, Nancy! My sister, Mrs. Greenwood — General 
Graveur and Baron Huysman. 

(They greet each other warmly.) 

Graveur. You have been known to us for many 
years, Madame Greenwood. 

Huysman {ligntiy). It was a black week for Davy 
when no letter came from Nancy — for so we all learned 
to call you. 

Mrs. G. (laughing). And it was as Hy and Gravy 
that you were known to me. 

Uncle D. (comfortably). Good! Then we are all 
old friends and there need be no reserve. Let us sit out 
here rather than indoors. Oh, Suzanne ! 

(Huysman seats himself beside Mrs. Greenwood in 
the swing, and Graveur and Uncle David draw up 
easy-chairs. As they talk Suzanne appears, and at 
a gesture from her master, removes the hats and 
canes of the guests.) 

Huysman (to Mrs. Greenwood). You know, I 
dare say, that we three musketeers met years ago in 
Paris ? 

Mrs. G. Yes, I know — in the famous Latin Quarter. 

Graveur. Two of us thought we were artists, and 
one really was. 

Uncle D. They were talented too, Nancy, but they 
wouldn't work. 

Graveur ( twinkling) . Neither did he, Madame. 



32 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! . 

HuYSMAN. He did not have to. He was as gay and 
irresponsible as the rest of us; but somehow he man- 
aged to snatch time to do real work that soon brought 
him under the eye of the masters. 

Mrs. G. I am glad I am at last to have the oppor- 
tunity of hearing about David from some other source 
than himself. He has a way of telling only the things 
he wants to tell. 

Graveur (dryly). Ah, yes, we all know that way of 
his. Some call him modest. I say he is just sly. 

Uncle D. If you boys have come over here to start 
trouble 

HuYSMAN. Not I, old friend. Why, Madame, he was 
the most terrible man in the Latin Quarter. Would you 
believe it, the first night I ever saw him he thrashed me 
outrageously ! 

Uncle D. (chuckling). He needed it, Nancy. 

HuYSMAN (genially). Oh, well, we have been friends 
ever since. 

Mrs. G. Then you two soon gave up your ambition to 
become artists ? 

Graveur. H we had not, our instructors would have 
died of an overdose of merriment. 

HuYSMAN (jovially). On the day that old Doriau 
threw his pallette at me I knew that I was not divinely 
appointed to be an artist. So I went back to my home 
in Brussels, and when I walked dejectedly into my 
father's study, he looked at me from over his glasses and 
said: "Ah, well, there is hope for an ass when he finds 
out he has truly been one." 

Uncle D. But Hy got even with him. When all Bel- 
gium was saying • " The King and Huysman — what would 
we do without them ? " then the old Baron would pace 
up and down on the beach at Ypres saying : " He was al- 
ways a noble boy." 

Mrs. G. (prettily). We parents are often kinder of 
heart than of tongue. 

Graveur. I cannot think of you as ever unkind in 
word or thought. 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 33 

Uncle D. Those are her company manners, Gravy, 
don't be fooled. 

Graveur. Not by you, David. Eighteen years of 
military life have opened my eyes to you, my man. 

Mrs. G. From art to the army must have been a be- 
wildering change. 

Uncle D. Not at all. As an artist all he ever did 
was to fight everybody and everything. So the whole 
Quarter got together and advised him to enter the army 
as a profession. After that, when we v/ould read of 
him forging to the front, we would say : " See there — 
we did that." 

Graveur. You see, Madame, he has much to say of 
us, but nothing of himself. 

Mrs. G. He is the most exasperating man I ever knew. 
I run after him all day long begging to know of this and 
that, and he hands out to me only the meagerest scraps 
of information. 

HuYSMAN. Always he is that way. After we three 
parted he would write me long letters of the others, but 
nothing of himself. Each year we would spend a month 
or so together, but no word of his success. All the while 
he was becoming a world famous artist — and how did I 
know ? Through the newspapers and magazines. 

Uncle D. That ought to be reliable enough for any 
one. 

Graveur (reproachfully). And I return from a cam- 
paign in Africa to know nothing of his fame. In Paris 
one day a friend says : " Come to the Salon to-day with 
me." So we go, and there I find a whole room given 
over to his paintings, and all Paris agog over them. I 
was furious ! 

Mrs. G. You had cause to be, General. 

Graveur. If he had only done one such thing — but 
no, it is all the time. Take as an instance, the trick he 
played upon us during the war 

Uncle D. Oh, Graveur, for Heaven's sake let's not 
go into that! 

Huysman. Old friend, we came over here for just 



34 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

that purpose. We can never forgive you for the way 
you slipped out of France without a word to either of us. 
Graveur ( to Mrs. Greenwood) . As if the earth had 
swallowed him. 

{The two foreigners look at the culprit sternly.) 

Uncle D. {trying to explain). I was a physical 
wreck . . . my usefulness was gone. Why should I 
allow myself to be an added burden to an already over- 
burdened land ? I slipped away to come to you, Nan, but 
in England I went to pieces and for two years I was an 
invalid — no good to any one. 

HuYSMAN. And all the while we were searching, 
searching for you. 

Graveur. As the army moved from place to place, 
little children would ask us : " Have they found Uncle 
David ? " for so all France was calling you. 

Uncle D. {his voice none too steady). I ... I 
couldn't write — somehow or other ... I simply 
couldn't. ... 

Huysman {reproachfully) . You were afraid if we 
found you we would feel forced to decorate you — — 

Graveur. And kiss you on both cheeks — which so 
displeases you. 

Uncle D. {savagely). Confound you! You talk as 
if I were a prig ! 

Graveur. You are! The kind to whom two nations 
must send special envoys. 

Huysman {lightly). But we found where he was at 
last, Madame, and have tracked him to his lair. We 
thought to slip in upon him like thieves in the night, but 
through the carelessness of my secretary, the secret 
leaked out, and your Mayor got wind of our coming. 

Uncle D. {his eyes twinkling). Nancy, you should 
have seen the crowd that was down at the depot waiting 
for them! Mentor, the Division Superintendent, hap- 
pened to be there and he smuggled me over the tracks. 
The Mayor was there, as Guy would say : " With bells 
on." He was strutting up and down with a Judge on 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 35 

either side of him. Outside the depot I could see hun- 
dreds of cars decorated with French and Belgian flags, 
and opposite the entrance the troop of Jackson Greys 
was drawn up impressively. 

HuYSMAN. As the train drew into the depot I looked 
out cautiously, and was amazed at the sight that greeted 
my eyes. Who was the handsome lad in the cocked hat, 
David? 

Mrs. G. That must have been my foster son, Richard. 

Uncle D. It was, and he was the cock of the walk. 
Wherever he went he was followed by an admiring 
crowd; and whenever he stood still the crowd gathered 
around him. Oh, our Dick is a hero — no doubt of that ! 

(Suzanne appears in the doorway and courtesies 
quaintly. ) 

Suzanne. Pardon, M'sieu, shall I serve the refresh- 
ments al fresco? 

Uncle D. No, we will come inside, Suzanne. {To 
others.) I want to show you fellows a picture I am 
working on. 

HuYSMAN. Perhaps we would better retire within 
doors to escape the angry mob which you say may over- 
take us. 

Uncle D. Good idea. They lynch 'em down here 
when they get mad. 

(They rise and start toward the house, Uncle David 
leading the way with Graveur, while Huysman 
gives his arm to Mrs. Greenwood.) 

Huysman. I feel sorry for you, David, when your 
irate fellow citizens discover the trick we have played 
upon them. But it was clever the way you slipped us 
from the train and into the closed car you had awaiting 
us. 

Uncle D. (from over his shoulder as he enters the 
house). Couldn't have done a thing without the Super- 
intendent. He worked the scheme. 

Mrs. G. (to Huysman as they pass inside). And you 



36:: HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

may depend upon it that David worked the Superin- 
tendent. 

{They are no sooner in the house when from the near 
distance comes a troubled medley of bleating auto- 
mobile horns, and a moment or two later Caryl 
rushes in, her face a picture of indignation and dis- 
appointment. She stops short when she sees the 
court is deserted, calling out anxiously.) 

Caryl. Mother! Mother! Oh, dear, where is she? 
Mother ! 

{It is plain to be seen she is quite upset, and that no 
one can give her comfort but her mother. Mrs. 
Greenwood appears in the doorway.) 

Mrs. G. Did you call me, dear? 

(Caryl hurls herself at her mother, tempestuously un- 
loading upon her a tale of woe. ) 

' Caryl. Mother, it's a shame ! A shame ! 

Mrs. G. {quietly). What is a shame, darling? What 
has happened? 

Caryl {indignantly). It was awful, Mother ! Every- 
body was down there to meet them and they never came ! 

{Enter boys and girls, all in haste and volubly in- 
censed. ) 

Guy {in a loud, angry voice). The Mayor's a nut! 
I tell the world he's a nut ! 
Tom. I came within an ace of telling him so myself. 
Jean. Well, why didn't you? 
Tom. How could I, silly, when he'd sneaked out ? 
Caryl. Daddy always did say he was one. 
Mrs. G. Hush, dear! 

{They gather around her excitedly, all talking at once.) 

Bob. Well, he is, Mrs. Greenwood! 
Tom. He's a coward 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO I ; ^J 

Mildred. It was awful ! 

Guy. He ought to be run out of town! 

Jerry. Just let him try to show his face! 

Caryl. And poor Richard — it was a shame ! 

Jean. I could just cry for him! 

Tom. Old Mayor better look out. Dick'll lick him 
for this yet ! 

Caryl (fiercely). I hope he does! 

Mrs. G. But you haven't told me a thing. What hap- 
pened? And why are you so bitter toward the Mayor? 

Mildred. It was awful 

Mrs. G. It must have been — but just what was awful ? 

Caryl. Well, Mother, everything started out just 
lovely. The streets were decorated with flags and things. 

Jean. And everybody was out in their cars. 

Tom. All of 'em fixed up swell ! 

Bob. And the troop rode up to meet them at the 
station. 

Caryl. And, Mother, Richard looked wonderful on 
his horse, riding at the head of the troop. 

Mildred. Like a god. 

Tom. Slush ! But he sure can ride a horse, old Dick 
can. 

Mrs. G. And then what happened? 

Caryl. When the troop rode up to the depot every- 
body followed them. 

Guy. Yes, the Mayor — darn him ! 

Tom. He was bowing to everybody like he was the 
President. 

Bob. Old fool, nobody was looking at him ! - 

Caryl. Then everybody went into the depot, and the 
Mayor went around shaking hands with us all. 

Guy. Makes me sick when I think about his shaking 
my hand! 

Caryl. And then he made a speech, telling us (Mock- 
ing him.) what a wonderful occasion it was, especially 
for his young friends gathered there. (They all laugh 
and shout: " Go on! " "Just the way he talked! " She 
takes up the tale in the spirit of audacious mimicry.) 



jS HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO 



Think of it, my young friends, two of the greatest, most 
spectacular figures in the World War — the most tre- 
mendous conflict ever waged — these two renowned 
heroes will be with us within but a few short mo- 
ments 

Tom. That's the stuff 



Jean. His very words ! 

Jerry. Go on, Caryl ! 

Mrs. G. {laughing). No, that is enough. Are you 
going to keep me waiting all day to know what happened ? 

Guy. You wouldn't be the only one then who's waited 
to-day for something to happen and it didn't happen at 
all. 

Caryl {taking up the tale). Mother, he had us all 
practicing yells to greet them, and singing the Mar- 
seillaise 

Tom. We sang it fierce, too. 

Mildred. I thought it sounded fine. 

Mrs. G. And then ? 

(There is an ominous pause, when all stop and look 
at each other in dark, meaningful silence.) 

Caryl (tensely). We waited and waited and they 
never came ! 

Jean. But that wasn't the meanest part of it. 

Caryl (with flashing eyes). No! What do you 
think the Mayor did? 

Mrs. G. I can't imagine. 

Caryl. Somebody brought him a note and he looked 
awfully funny when he read it. 

Jerry. He certainly did. I noticed it at the time. 

Tom. Then he got all the other people together and 
talked to them 

Guy. I remember now they looked kind of mad, but 
we were having such a good time we didn't pay any at- 
tention to them. 

Caryl. Then he sent Richard out to see how the 
troop was getting on, and while he was gone the Mayor 
slipped out. I saw him. It was past time for the train, 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 39 

and I had seen one come in, but thought, of course, it 
was not the one we were looking for. We were all 
laughing at the funny new bob Nell Trail has on her 
hair, when Richard came back in, and we heard him say 
the worst swear word, Mother ! And what do you think 
had happened ? The Mayor, the Judges and everybody's 
fathers and mothers had disappeared, and — and they 
had slipped away and left us there. Did you ever hear 
of anything meaner than that. Mother ? 

Guy. We'd have waited there all afternoon if it 
hadn't been for Richard. He saw through the trick 
right away and sent us home. 

Jerry. Dick was hot. 

Bob. Never saw him madder. 

Jean. Well, I don't blame him! 

Caryl. It was mean — mean! 

Mrs. G. I believe this is Richard coming now. 

{Enter Richard. He comes striding in like the God 
of Wrath riding upon a storm cloud. At sight of 
Mrs. Greenwood his cheeks flush and the expression 
on his face becomes strained and unforgiving ; but 
he marches straight up to her, coming to attention a 
few feet from her. Mrs. Greenwood knows there 
is trouble ahead for her, but she is used to handling 
young people with hurt feelings, so she meets the 
issue with frank gentleness. The boys and girls all 
stare at Richard in wide-eyed astonishment. ) 

Tom {hushed voice). What's the matter now, Dick? 
Mildred. Oh, Richard, have you been licking the 
Mayor ? 

{With one haughty glance he reduces them to im- 
potent silence.) 

Mrs. G. {quietly). Well, Richard? 
Richard {trying to be calm). I hate to believe this 
of you, Mother. 

Mrs. G. What is it, dear? 

Richard {indignantly blurting out his words). You 



40 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

and Uncle David played a trick on me — and the whole 
town! 

Mrs. G. And which was hurt most, Richard, you or 
the town ? 

Richard (stiffly). There's nothing funny about it — 
if it's true. (Sternly.) Mother, is it true? 

Mrs. G. What, Richard? 

Richard. That Huysman and Graveur are heref 

(Great excitement among the young people.) 

Caryl (shrilly). Here? 

Guy. What's that you say? 

Tom. Not here in this house? 

Mildred. Whatever are they doing here? 

Richard. That is what I want to know. How did 
they get here, and in the name of all conscience why are 
those two world famous heroes hiding in this house of 
Uncle David's when half the town has turned out to 
welcome them? 

Mrs. G. (trying to placate him). It was their wish, 
Richard. They wanted no one to know they were here. 

Richard. So you did know? 

Mrs. G. Yes, but we were bound by an oath of 
secrecy to the French Legation to say nothing about it. 
Though it was very hard to keep our promise when we 
saw all the preparations going on for their reception. 

Richard (in hurt tones). Surely you could have 
told me! 

Mrs. G. Not even you, my boy. 

Richard (irritably). What do they want with Uncle 
David, anyway? 

Caryl (with sudden suspicion). Mother, he hasn't 
done anything, has he? 

Mrs. G. (trying not to smile). I am afraid he has, 
Caryl, a number of things. 

(A shiver of horror runs over all those present. 
Richard looks stunned, Guy and Caryl move closer 
together, as though in their family disgrace they will 
cleave to each other.) 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 4I 

Caryl {crushed). Mother! 

Richard. Good Lord, you don't mean 

Guy. They didn't come to — to 

Mrs. G. {the twinkle in her eye belying the gravity of 
her tone). I am afraid they did, Guy. 

{The outsiders look on in shocked silence. Caryl 
looks at her mother with a hint of suspicion in her 
glance.) 

Caryl. I believe you are trying to tease us, Mother. 

(Uncle David now thrusts his head out of the door 
and calls.) 

Uncle D. Oh, Nancy! 
Mrs. G. Coming, David! 

{They watch her departure in troubled silence. Caryl 
lanes a quick siep after her retreating form, abruptly 
changes her mind, and as her mother disappears into 
the house, turns to the others with questioning inde- 
cision. ) 

Caryl. Is she joking; or does she really mean it? 

Richard {curtly). Of course she means it. I tell 
you there is something wrong here. Radically wrong:. 

Caryl {highly wrought up). I said from the first 
there was something mighty funny about the way he 
came home. Didn't I, Guy? 

Guy. You sure did ! 

Caryl. Mysterious, I called it. Didn't I? 

Guy. I thought so too. 

Richard. I've been expecting something of this kind 
to happen any day. 

Caryl. It is positively crushing ! 

{The outsiders look on deeply sympathetic^) 

Jean {to others). I think we'd better go, don't you? 
Tom {reluctantly) . Maybe we'd better. 
Richard {stoically). No — no! You have seen this 
much of our family trouble, so there is no need of your 



42 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

going now. Besides, something must be done, and I may 
need your help. 

(They were going unwillingly, and now they remain 
eagerly. ) 

Jean. What are you going to do, Richard? 

Richard. I can't tell yet. I'll have to think it over. 

Caryl. What do you suppose he has done. Brother? 

Richard. He has been getting in bad with the French 
and Belgian governments, I'm afraid. 

Guy. Mother admitted as much. 

Tom. She didn't look like she felt very bad about it. 

Caryl {darkly). You can't tell about Mother. But 
what do you think they will do to him? 

Richard. Take him back with them. 

Bob. But he's an American citizen. 

Richard (scornfully). What good will that do him if 
they have extradition papers? 

(Each one steals a secret glance at the others to see 
if they know what this really means, and it is plain 
each thinks it is some new kind of terror they know 
not of.) 

Guy (weakly). Extra — ex 

{His voice trails off into nothingness.') 

Mildred. Isn't it awful ! 

Caryl. What do you suppose he did ? 

Richard. How do I know? But it must have been 
serious; mighty serious. 

Caryl (thoughtfully). But he seems so kind. If it 
wasn't that he is an artist I believe I would like him. 

Guy (boldly). I Hke him anyway. 

Caryl. So do I ! 

Richard. Well, it doesn't matter what he has done. 
He is Mother's brother, and must be saved from these 
foreigners at any price. 

Caryl (gently reminiscent). He has the funniest 
twinkle in his eyes. 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 43 

Tom.- Whatever you do you'll have to hurry, for like 
as not they'll take him away with them on that midnight 
train. 

Richard. We must act at once. Leave the thing to 
me and I'll put it over. 

{There is an eager stir.) 

Jerry. What are you going to do, Dick ? 

Richard. It will have to be some cave man stuff, I'm 
thinking. 

Guy. Sure — that's the only way. 

Tom. But just how are you going about it ? 

Jean (bubbling over with a great idea). Why don't 
you call out the troop, Richard, and ride up here to- 
night, steal Uncle David, and hide him away some place 
until they are all gone? 

Richard (impatiently). That would never do. Why, 
don't you see, that would bring about international com- 
plications ? 

(They look at each other in puzzled silence.) 

Tom ( feeling that something must be said). Yes, 
you're right about that, Dick. 

Richard. Of course, I am. Whatever I do must be 
done in an unofficial capacity, and not as Captain of the 
Greys. 

Caryl. Well, for goodness sake think up something 
quick, for I wouldn't have anything happen to Uncle 
David for worlds. If only he had been in the war I 
wouldn't have a thing against him. 

Richard (mysteriously) . I am afraid he was, though. 
(Chorus of: "Honest, Dick?" "You don't mean itf" 
*' How awful! ") I think he has escaped from a military 
prison, and they have come after him. 

Guy. He doesn't look like that kind. 

Richard. You can't tell. 

Caryl (with feeling) . I don't believe it ! 

Richard. Anyway, we must save him. He is an 



44 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

American citizen and your uncle. Now this is a plan 
that has just flashed into my head 

Jerry. Sing it out, Dick! 

Richard. You will all have to help. {Another 
chorus of: "We'll be there!" "Trust us!") Caryl, 
yours will be the most difficult part — save my own. 

Caryl. Oh, I will do anything to save him. 

Richard. Then to-night you must act a great part. 
You must be a vamp. 

Caryl (disgusted and rebellious). A vamp! 

Richard. That's what I said. You must lure Huys- 
man and Graveur, one at a time, out to the swing, and 
then you must be so fascinating that you will make them 
forget all about Uncle David. 

Caryl. I can't, Richard. You know I hate that 
vamp stuff. 

Richard (firmly). You must. And meanwhile we 
will be hiding out there in the pergola, and we'll sing 
softly; that will make it easier for you. 

Caryl (fretfully). Well, don't let Guy and Tom sing 
then. When they get started it always sounds like some 
one was robbing a hen-house. 

Tom. The nerve f 

Guy. I would talk if I were you ! 

Mildred. Isn't this thrilling! I'd love to do it, 
Caryl. 

Caryl (to Richard). Let her do it then. 

Richard. Don't you want to save your uncle ? 

Caryl. Of course I do. 

Richard (sternly). Then do as I say. 

Caryl (rebelliously). What are you going to do? 

Richard. When you have him in a good humor I'll 
slip in behind him and throw a noose over his head. 
The boys will run in then, bind him, carry him to the 
car, and when we get both of them we'll slip away to the 
depot and stow them away in a freight car. Nobody vf^W 
know who did it, and in the meantime Uncle David can 
get away and they'll never find him. 

Jean. Wonderful ! 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 45 

Bob. Say, Dick, that's a great scheme! 

Jerry. Air tight, I call it ! 

Caryl (m despair). And I have to vamp two men! 

Guy. Aw, that's easy! 

Caryl. I wish you had to do it. 

Richard. Come on, all of you! Let's go over home 
and plan this out to the last detail. 

Guy. I'll say we'd better. 

Tom (dryly). Have to show Caryl how to be a vamp. 

Caryl (indignantly, as she marches off). I'd rather 
climb a telegraph pole. Anyway, I don't believe Uncle 
David ever did anything to be extra — whatever-you-call- 
it — for. (Richard calls them all to "Come on!" and 
they follow, talking excitedly: " This is great! " " I'm 
kind, of scared, aren't youf " " Scared! Shucks, I can 
hardly wait for night to come! " When they are all gone, 
Suzanne enters, peers about her to see if she is alone, 
then ventures further onto the scene, though keeping well 
to the rear. At this moment Caryl reenters, preoccu- 
pied and a hit down-hearted. She has come for her hat, 
which she has left on one of the chairs, picks it up and 
starts to go, but at sight of Suzanne, who has not yet 
noticed the girl, she drops it again and calls softly to the 
French woman. ) Suzanne ! 

Suzanne (starting in surprise). It is then ma petite, 
Caryl? (Turning to go.) I thought no one was out 
here. 

Caryl (pleadingly). Don't go, Suzanne! Stay just 
a little while. There are so many things I want to ask 
you. 

Suzanne. No, let it be some other time. I am but a 
sorrowful woman to-day. My heart is heavy. 

Caryl (taking her hand impulsively). But if you're 
sad, Suzanne, it is the worst thing in the world to go 
moping off by yourself. 

Suzanne (smiling in spite of herself as she allows 
Caryl to pidl her down upon the swing with her) . Ah, 
then, you too have suffered? 

Caryl. Well — well, I know what it is to be awfully 



46 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

sad. . . . Daddy says it's indigestion — ^too much 
candy and pickles and things — but that isn't it at all, is it, 
Suzanne ? 

Suzanne {amused). No, no! He does not under- 
stand, I fear. 

Caryl. Being a man he couldn't. Men are the 
queerest things ! Now Daddy gives me the money, and 
then when I spend it he thinks it is awful because I do. 

Suzanne (understandingly) . So stupid! 

Caryl. Isn't it? What good is money if you don't 
spend it? 

Suzanne. Ah, my child, how like the good master 
you are. 

Caryl (with shy eagerness). Uncle David? 

Suzanne. Oui, ma petite. ♦ 

Caryl (edging closer). Am I really like him? Tell 
me, Suzanne. 

Suzanne. In many, many ways. 

Caryl (off her guard). Oh, dear, I hope I won't turn 
out to be an artist ! It's all right for Uncle David 

Suzanne (almost sharply). You think so now, then ? 

(Caryl looks ashamed and ^ncomfortable.) 

Caryl. Suzanne, I am ashamed of the way I have 
treated him. 

Suzanne. One would be. 

Caryl. I should think so! It isn't that I was mean 
to him, or said anything horrid. I just didn't pay much 
attention to him at all. 

Suzanne. We French are not so cold. 

Caryl. Don't say that, Suzanne! . . . You see, 
I. was ashamed of him because he was an artist. 

Suzanne (unable to believe her ears). Mais non! 

Caryl. It is true, Suzanne. It didn't seem like a real 
man to go around painting pictures . . . not like any 
man I had ever known. I have been ashamed of him 
ever since I found he could make flowers grow. 

Suzanne (scornfully). Is It a crime in this country 
for a man to love beautiful things? 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 47 

Caryl {determined to have the misery all her own). 
Don't blame it on the United States, Suzanne, it's all my 
fault ! 

Suzanne (o glint of humor in her sad eyes). One 
cannot wonder then at your sadness. 

Caryl. I am sorry, Suzanne. I wonder if he will 
ever forgive me. 

Suzanne. Dear child, his heart is so great he does 
not even know you need to be forgiven, 

Caryl {suddenly, hut with delicate understanding). 
You love him too, don't you, Suzanne ? 

Suzanne {her face grown sad again). I worship the 
master. 

Caryl {curiously). How long have you known him? 

Suzanne. For as long as you have been in this world. 

Caryl {amazed at this vast stretch of time). Fif- 
teen years! Goodness me! Where did you live, Su- 
zanne ? 

Suzanne. In Beloit, a village not far from the Bel- 
gian border. 

Caryl. How did he ever find you in the first place ? 

Suzanne. He came there to paint, and liking the 
looks of our humble cottage, he asked if he might re- 
main with us for a few days. 

Caryl {frankly curious). Did you have any chil- 
dren? 

Suzanne. No. The good man — ^he was all I had. 

Caryl. Oh, yes — your husband. Did Uncle David 
come back there often? 

Suzanne. He came back for a part of every year, 
and soon Baptiste and I would have died for him gladly. 

Caryl. Baptiste was your husband's name? 

Suzanne. Oui — Heaven rest his soul ! 

Caryl. And Uncle David always stayed with you 
and Baptiste? 

Suzanne. From that time we labored but for him. 

Caryl. Tell me; what was Uncle David like before 
he was taken sick? Mother says he was a big man. 

Suzanne {proudly). A great man and afraid of no 



48 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO I 

one. With a laugh that was overlarge for our little 
house. 

Caryl (pleased). He was good fun, then? 

Suzanne. Aye, that he was! Ah, what a man — so 
quick to love, so quick to fight and so quick to forgive ! 

Caryl (wondering). But he is so different now. 

Suzanne. In those days he was blessed with robust 
health. 

Caryl. Do you think he will ever be jolly again ? 

Suzanne (sadly). Jamais — he could not be. He has 
suffered too much. 

Caryl (a coaxing note in her voice). Was Uncle 
David in Beloit when the German Army marched into 
France ? 

Suzanne. No, he was in Belgium sketching along the 
lovely canal near Bruges. Ah, if he had only been there 
to tell our poor, simple people what to do! We said 
they would never dare set foot in France — jamais ! 

Caryl. Did they come, Suzanne? I hope they didn't 
come to Beloit. 

Suzanne (grimly). But they did! Mon Dieu, they 
came ! We had foolishly begun to feel we had no cause 
to fear . . . but they came. 

Caryl (shuddering). What did they do ? Was there 
no way to escape ? 

Suzanne. No, child, no way to turn. The fair land 
of France was aswarm with Hun soldiers, 

Caryl. Oh, Suzanne, can you tell me — just a little 
more? 

(Suzanne sits for a moment or two lost in bitter 
memories. She sighs, and then takes up the tale in 
a low, even voice.) 

Suzanne. Into every house came little squads of 
soldiers. . . . Many drunk with blood and wine. 
. . . They took away our men. . . . Stood them 
against the wall of the town hall. . . . Shot them 
like so many dogs. . . . My Baptiste— he too was 
there! 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 49 

Caryl (seeing the war in a new light). Oh, Suzanne ! 
Poor Suzanne. . . . ( Tragically. ) What if that had 
been Daddy ? . . . And you, Suzanne ? 

Suzanne. The master returned and saved me. 

Caryl (joyfully). He came back then? 

Suzanne. Yes. How he reached there I can never 
know, but he came to our house one night — the pitiful 
ruins of our home — and together we fled. 

Caryl {wildly excited). And they did not find you? 

Suzanne. Almost — many times, but always we 
escaped. 

Caryl (uncertainly, but spurred on by an overpower- 
ing curiosity). Suzanne, did Uncle David ever fight in 
the war ? 

Suzanne (critically). No — not with a gun. 

Caryl (puzzled). What do you mean? 

Suzanne. He fought with his great heart. 

Caryl (tensely). Tell me, Suzanne, did 

Suzanne (rising). Not to-day, ma petite. I am too 
sad. _ 

Caryl (rising also and catching the French woman's 
hand). But you will tell me more about Uncle David, 
won't you ? 

Suzanne. Often and often. I can never be done 
telling of him. 

(As she starts to go Caryl calls to her softly.) 

Caryl. Suzanne ! 

Suzanne (from over her shoulder). Yes, little one? 

Caryl (a bit huskily). I — I'm so sorry about Bap- 
tiste. 

SuzA^T^-E (touched). Bless you, ma petite. How like 
the good master you are ! 

CURTAIN 



ACT III 

SCENE. — Same as before. Time: evening of the same 
day, only the light of day is replaced by the soft glow 
shed from the two, quaint, old-fashioned lanterns that 
adorn the door-posts. Light also filters out through the 
windows and door of the brightly illuminated house 
where one can occasionally hear voices in conversa- 
tion, the deeper tones of Uncle David and the two 
foreigners interspersed with the softer notes of Mrs. 
Greenwood. 

(Two figures are discovered center stage, engaged in 
earnest conversation. These are Richard and 
Caryl. He is clad in a somber suit that at once 
proclaims him a man beset with a deep, dark purpose. 
She is attired in a girlish pink dress of some diapha- 
nous stuff, very illusive and extremely becoming. He 
is examining her with marked approval, and trying 
to strengthen her to a task which she approaches 
with no little trepidation.) 

Richard. Now that's the way I wanted you to look. 
You're dressed the part to a " T." 

Caryl (skeptically). I never saw a vamp dressed like 
this. They always wear long, clinging things, and walk 
like a fish. 

Richard (wisely). Ah, but there are vamps and 
vamps. Now you are the little innocent kind that bowls 
'em over with her sweetness. That dress is a stunner, 
Sis! 

Caryl. I had the worst time with Mother about it. 

Richard. What's the matter — didn't want you to 
wear it ? 

Caryl. I should say not — she was almost stem. 
50 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 5t 

Richard. She'll be sorry when she knows why you 
wanted to wear it. 

Caryl (dubiously). She'll have to change a lot then. 
I had to talk and talk. If she hadn't found me with it 
already on I'd have never gotten by. You know, it's my 
brandest, newest dress, and she wanted me to save it 
until Daddy comes home next week. 

Richard (consolingly). Don't you bother about that, 
Caryl. These little worries won't amount to a hill of 
beans compared to the big things we are going to pull 
off to-night. 

Caryl. Oh dear, I wish it was to-morrow or next 
week or something ! 

Richard. Now cheer up, child. It won't be half bad 
when you get started. Why, believe me, you're a regular 
little picture to-night. 

Caryl. Oh, I reckon my clothes are all right, but 
they won't help me talk to — to those men. I don't know 
what to say. 

Richard. Pshaw ! I never saw you when you didn't 
have too much to say. 

Caryl. I just hate you — sometimes ! 

Richard. I was just kidding — you can handle them 
all right. 

Caryl. That's easy to say 

Richard (knowingly) . Well now, I'll tell you. Yots 
have forgotten something you left in there, you run in 
to get it, and you're awfully surprised when you find the 
General and the Baron are there. Then of course. 
Mother or Uncle David will introduce you. I'm counting 
on that little scene taking you a long way, for you always 
blush and act just a little timid at such times, and that 
will take like anything with those foreigners. 

Caryl. I know I'll fall over my feet. 

Richard. Oh, no you won't! And after you are 
introduced, then you fasten on one of 'em and talk to 
him for all you're worth. Just be natural. 

Caryl (dismally). Natural! . . . I'll be scared 
stiff! 



52 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

Richard. Nonsense ! Talk to him sweet — you know, 
like you talk to Father when you're trying to wheedle 
something out of him. 

Caryl (deciding to laugh a little). I — I'll try. 

RiCHAjiD. And then when you get him just where 
you want him, suggest that it is so much pleasanter out- 
side. Of course, by that time he'll be delighted to come 
with you, and once you get him out in the swing, I'll 
attend to the rest. 

Caryl {sighing). It sounds easier than it is. 

Richard {impatiently). After it is all over won't you 
be proud to think you have done your part in saving your 
uncle ? 

Caryl {thoughtfully). Yes. ... I would do 
anything for him. Richard, I am ashamed of the way I 
have treated Uncle David. 

Richard. Now is your chance, then, to do him a 
good turn. 

Caryl. I am so puzzled about him. I just can't 
believe he has done anything wrong. 

Richard. What you think won't help him with these 
foreigners. We must act and act quickly if we hope to 
save him. Now listen : The rest of us will be over by 
the pergola waiting for the time to step in. I'll give you 
time enough to get the Baron — I'd begin with him if I 
were you — to get the Baron outside and into the swing. 
Then we'll give you a little soft music. That with this 
romantic light out here will do wonders — and when I 
think the time is ripe, we'll slip up behind you and throw 
a noose over the Baron's head. He'll be too surprised 
to fight, and we'll hustle him out of the way in a hurry. 

Caryl. It's real creepy sounding, isn't it? {After a 
thoughtful moment.) Well, I suppose I might as well 
go in and begin. 

Richard. Yes, run along. The sooner it's over tlie 
better for us all. 

Caryl. And Richard, don't let the others hang around 
and listen. I couldn't say a word if I thought they 
were near. 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 53 

Richard. Trust me, I'll look after them. 

Caryl. All right then. Go on, Richard. I don't 
want anybody watching me when I go in. 

Richard. Just as you say. Good luck, Caryl ! You'll 
not fail us? 

Caryl (hesitatingly) . Not if I can help it. 

Richard (moving toward the wings). You'll work 
the game all right. I'm for you. 

(Caryl stands looking after him in troubled silence. 
Her uncle comes to the door, and seeing the girl 
steps outside, and stands looking toward her, wistful 
and uncertain. Finally he speaks gently so <w not to 
frighten her.) 

Uncle D. Is that you, Caryl? 
Caryl (startled). Uncle David! 

(She takes a swift step toward him, then stops, cofh 
fused and uncertain. He appears a little disap" 
pointed, a little puzzled.) 

Uncle D. (whimsically) . Little girl, are you always 
going to keep a brick wall of reserve between us ? What 
have I done, anyway? I come home thinking we are to 
be the best of pals and — why, confound it! you have 
avoided me all day long. What have I done, come now, 
tell me, Caryl ? 

(She looks up at him, bravely determined to make a 
clean breast of everything.) 

Caryl. It — it isn't you, Uncle David. 

Uncle D. (teasing). Ah then, someone has been tell- 
ing you black tales about me. Tell me, was it your 
mother ? 

Caryl (forced to laugh). Goodness no. Imagine 
Mother ! 

Uncle D. Then it was Suzanne. I saw you two with 
your heads together. 

Caryl (catching hold of the lapels of his coat and 
looking up at him with charming tenderness). Nc 



54 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

really, Uncle David! It was because — I was ashamed 
even to look at you ! 

(He puts his hands over hers fondly, but he disguises 
the yearning tenderness in his eyes beneath a tone of 
whimsical lightness.) 

Uncle D. Come now, even a cat can look at a king ! 

Caryl. I mean it. I'm still ashamed. 

Uncle D. And why, Caryl? 

Caryl. That brick wall. I did build it, and I'm not 
proud of it now. 

Uncle D. And why did you ever build it in the first 
place ? 

Caryl (frankly). I wasn't sure that I'd like you. 

(He laughs engagingly as he seats himself in the swing.) 

Uncle D. You had your doubts about artists, eh? 

Caryl. Well — you see I 

Uncle D. {amused). Oh, I know we have rather bad 
reputations. 

Caryl. Don't say that, please, Uncle David! I have 
been so stupid all along. Mother often tried to tell me 
about you, but you were only a name to me and I never 
listened. 

Uncle D. (understandingly) . I don't blame you. 

Caryl. It was awfully silly of me to feel that way 
about artists. 

Uncle D. Oh, we all have notions like that. Now 
my pet aversion is poets — the long haired kind. 

Caryl (comforted). I'm glad you're that way, too. 

Uncle D. Oh, I am! 

Caryl. Suzanne said we were a whole lot alike. 

Uncle D. Did she? Well, I'm complimented. 

Caryl (with shy friendliness). So am I. 

Uncle D. (drawing her down to the swing seat beside 
him). And the old brick wall will come down then? 

Caryl. It is down, Uncle David — down forever and 
ever. 

Uncle D. Then we are friends? 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 55 

Caryl (quaintly). Friends — and family too. 

Uncle D. You blessed child ! 

Caryl (solemnly). And Uncle David 

(She stops uncertain and a little embarrassed.) 

Uncle D. Yes, little girl? 

Caryl (bravely). If — if anyone ever tries to — to do 
anything to you — I — I'm your friend. 

Uncle D. (amused and mystified). Well now, that is 
a comfort to a poor wretch like me. 

Caryl (staunchly). I mean it! And Richard and 
Guy both would die before they would let anyone try 
to — to hurt you. 

Uncle D. (gratefully). Then I have not lived in vain. 

Caryl. No indeed! You are our uncle, and we will 
stand by you to — to the very last. 

Uncle D. (unable to understand, but pleased neverthe- 
less). What a lucky man I am to have such a family! 
(Running his hand lightly over her hair, he speaks to her 
with grave tenderness; and as he does so someone beyond 
the wings sings " Roses of Picardy " very prettily, other 
voices joining softly in the chorus.) You know, I once 
had a little girl. 

Caryl (softly). Yes — Mother told me. 

Uncle D. I married an American girl over in Paris. 

Caryl (curiously). Was she an artist, too? 

Uncle D. (smiling a little). No, she was the Consul 
General's only daughter — and my only wife. We were 
very happy, and when the little girl came, I was the most 
foolish man in all France, for I love girls. . . . They 
died of influenza . . . both . . . the little girl 
was but three. She was like you, Caryl. 

Caryl. That picture in your room is one you painted 
of her, Mother told me. 

Uncle D. Yes. ... I have never done anything 
better than that. . . . For her sake I have been 
kind to all babies — especially girl babies; and to young 
girls. For her I have endured many hardships that I 
might save as many children as possible. Since she was 



56 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

taken from me I have thought of you as partly my own, 
for she too had grey eyes and bronze hair . . . and 
she too we called Caryl, ... I love girls. . . . 

Caryl (shyly). Uncle David, I am so glad you have 
come home. I — I think I love uncles, too. 

Uncle D. (seizing her by the shoulders with leonine 
tenderness). Bless your heart! If I had known this I 
would have come home long ago ! 

Caryl. And Uncle David 

Uncle D. Well? 

Caryl. There's not a smidgeon left of that wall now. 

(He gives her a playful shake, and when she raises her 
hand to defend herself, he leans forward staring at 
her finger.) 

Uncle D. Well, by Jove! Where did you get that 
ring? 

Caryl {flashing it before him proudly). Isn't it 
pretty ? 

Uncle D. Great! But where did 3;om get it? 

Caryl {guilelessly) . I matched for it. 

(Uncle David lets forth a shout that is " much too big 
for a house.") 

Uncle D. You what? 

Caryl {explaining). Matched for it, you know? Two 
people each with a coin. 

Uncle D. Oh, I know how it's done, well enough. 
Do you do it often? 

Caryl. As often as possible. But Richard and Guy 
don't like to match with me, I always win. 

Uncle D. No wonder they don't. But you haven't 
told me from whom you won this ring. 

Caryl {cleverly). That wouldn't be quite fair, 
would it? 

Uncle D. M-m-h — perhaps not. I say, I'll match 
you for it? 

(Caryl meets the proposition with true sporting 
instinct.) 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 57 

Caryl. All right. But you'll have to lend me the 
money. 

Uncle D. (his hand in his pocket). I see now why 
the boys don't care to match with you. 

Caryl (laughing). But I always give their old money 
back. 

(On the extreme edge of the wings dark figures are 
seen gathering.) 

Uncle D. (handing her a coin). You say you always 
win? 

Caryl (quickly). With boys. I've never tried with 
uncles before. 

Uncle D. Oh, I see. Ready? 

Caryl. Yes, sir. (They match and Uncle David 
laughs out, Caryl joining in good-naturedly. One feels 
that Caryl calculates that all hopes for the ring are not 
lost even though it he now in the hands of her uncle.) 
You win ! 

Uncle D. Let's make it best two out of three. 

i^A dark figure steals up close behind them, but they 
are so engrossed they notice nothing.) 

Caryl (firmly). No, sir! It's settled. 
Uncle D. You are a good little sport, Caryl. 
Caryl. I have to be to keep up with Guy and Richard. 

(The dark figure makes a noiseless dash for Uncle 
David, slips the noose over his head, while other 
dark figures leap forth to aid him in overcoming the 
struggling man. Caryl, who has by now forgotten 
all about the part she was to play that evening, 
screams out in surprise and alarm. Instantly people 
come running from all sides: the girls from the 
wings, Mrs. Greenwood, the Baron and the Gen- 
eral from the house. Richard turns upon Caryl 
furiously.) 

Richard. Shut up, you little idiot! 
Caryl (in a panic). But that's not the 



58 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

Richard {hissing). Keep your mouth shut, I say! 

Caryl. But Richard 

Richard (to Guy). Grab her and choke her if neces- 
sary! (To Boys.) Get this man to the car ! 

(Ezen as he speaks, intent upon getting the struggling 
Uncle David out of the way, Mrs. Greenwood, 
HuYSMAN and Graveur hasten up. ) 

Mrs. G. What is the matter, Caryl ? Did I hear you 
scream out ? What has happened ? 

(Richard springs quickly to his feet and at sight of 
the foreigners the gathering anger on his face gives 
way to speechless amazement.) 

Richard {stupidly looking from one to the other). 
Good Lord ! ( Then staring at the struggling man held by 
the boys, he shouts out explosively.) In Heaven's name, 
who is this? 

Caryl {at the top of her voice), I tried to tell you. 

Richard {furiously). Well, who is it? 

Caryl. Uncle David! 

Richard {scornfully). You have made a mess of 
things ! 

Caryl. Well, I couldn't help it if he came out instead 
of — instead of 

{Her eyes on Huysman, but words failing her.) 

Mrs. G. {trying not to laugh). Is there any reason 
why we cannot uncover poor Uncle David's head? 

Richard {irritably to boys). What are you standing 
there for like a lot of blithering fools? Why don't you 
take that thing off of Uncle David's head? 

Tom. Well, you said 

Richard. What difference does that make now ? Let 
him out ! 

(So poor Uncle David is restored to normal, and he 
comes out of captivity smiling rather broadly.) 

Uncle D. Well, well! So you thought you would 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 59 

have a little surprise party for me ? {To Huysm an and 
Graveur.) You see, we go in for the unexpected over 
here. 
HuYSMAN. Ah then, this was staged for our benefit ? 

(The young people stand before their elders in dejected 
silence. Mrs. Greenwood looks them over keenly, a 
merry twinkle in her eyes.) 

Mrs. G. And now, would you mind telling us what 
was the cause of all this commotion? 

(They all look plaintively at one another, and then at 
Richard. He appears very much ruffled, but faces 
his elders defiantly.) 

Richard (stiffly). Our designs were not upon Uncle 
David, I assure you. 
Graveur. Designs ! This smacks of a mystery. 
Mrs. G. What designs, Richard? What do you 



mean 



Richard (in hurt tones). I don't think I care to ex- 
plain. 

Mrs. G. Come now, Dick! You must admit an ex- 
planation is due your Uncle David. 

Richard. It was all intended for his sake. 

Uncle D, (mystified). For my sake? 

Caryl (breaking in confidingly). Yes, to save you! 

Mrs. G. To save him from what, dear? 

Caryl (looking meaningly at Huysm an and Graveur). 
From — from 

(But she cannot screw up the courage to name them. ) 

HuYSMAN. Ciel! Can she mean the General and 
me? 

Caryl (to her mother). Didn't you say Uncle David 
had done something? 

Mrs. G. (remembering with a queer, amused look). 
Yes, I did. 

Caryl (rushing in recklessly) . We decided that these 
— these gentlemen must have come for him 



6o HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

Mrs. G. (filled with wonder). Come for him? 

Richard (taking matters into his capable hands). 
We inferred from what you said that Uncle David was 
in trouble — something to do with the war — and that these 
gentlemen had come to take him back with them as a 
military prisoner. 

Mrs. G. Dear me, Richard, but you have a vivid im- 
agination. How could you ever get all that out of what 
I told you? 

Caryl. Mother, you know you said he'd done some- 
thing. 

Graveur (making a discovery as he looks at Rich- 
ard). Ah, the young man of the red cockade! 

HuYSMAN. To be sure it is ! 

Uncle D. Yes, that was Dick! (To Richard.) 
And what was your plan in regard to these gentlemen? 

Richard. To kidnap them and get them out of the 
way so you could make your escape. 

Graveur. Mon Dieu ! but you do things rapidly over 
here! 

Richard. Caryl spoiled everything, 

Caryl. How could I know Uncle David was coming 
out just then? 

Uncle D. And Vv^hat were you to do, Caryl ? 

(Caryl blushes and makes no reply, but Guy hastens 

to enlighten them.) 

Guy. She was to vamp Baron Huysman. 

(A roar of laughter from the elders greets this re- 
mark, but the young people see no cause for merri- 
ment.) 

Huysman (humorously). What have I missed? And 
all your fault, David ! 

Uncle D. (turning to the young people with engag- 
ing frankness). I am sorry that this occurred. I am 
sorry that circumstances were such that I was unable to 
tell you anything about it. But first, let me present to 
you Baron Huysman and General Graveur. 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 6 1 

{There is a polite stir among the young people, hut 
otherwise they look on in silence, a little curious and 
very awkward and abused. ) 

Graveur. I fear we cannot hope for their forgive- 
ness. 

Richard {with dignity to Uncle David). You let us 
go down to the depot to meet these gentlemen when you 
knew all the time they would not be there. 

Uncle D. It was unfortunate. But it was the wish 
of my guests. 

( There is a rustle of astonishment. ) 

Richard. Your guests! 

Caryl. Are they your — your guests, Uncle David? 

Huysman. And why not, ma chere? 

Richard (exploding). I don't understand why you 
should come out here and hide in this house when the 
whole town has turned out for you and all the prominent 
people are crazy to entertain you. 

Graveur (advancing and laying a hand on Richard's 
shoulder). You do not understand, eh? Well, I will 
tell you. Young man, we have been cheered and feted by 
many such towns. We are weary of parades and the 
speeches of petty officials. We came all these miles from 
France and Belgium not to see your Mayor, but to be 
once again with our friend, your Uncle David. 

Caryl (looking from Huysman to Graveur in won- 
derment that causes her to forget her recent resentment) . 
You were Uncle David's friends? You knew him over 
there ? 

Huysman (taking her hand with an affectionate ges- 
ture). This must be Caryl, the little girl he so oft^n 
wished to see? 

Caryl. Yes, sir. I am Caryl. 

Huysman. You should know then, Caryl, that we 
three have been friends for many years, and each year 
that has passed this great General and myself have Ijeen 
more and more proud to call your uncle our friend. Did 
you not know he is one of the greatest artists of our day ? 



62 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

(Caryl looks about her in uneasy bewilderment.) 

Caryl {uncomfortably). I — I knew he was an artist. 

HuYSMAN {with gentle rebuke). Ma chere, I fear I 
am ashamed of you. Did your mother never tell you of 
him? 

Caryl {unhappily). Yes, often, but — ^but I didn't 
know him so I reckon I — didn't listen. 

Uncle D. What are you trying to do to the child, 
Hy? 

HuYSMAN. Let me alone, David, for there are many 
things here that must be said. {To the others.) It is a 
sad thing when someone must come three thousand miles 
to tell the family of a great man and a hero that he is 
truly great and heroic. 

{A growing uneasiness is laying hold upon the young 
people. Richard rushes boldly into the breach.) 

Richard. How could we know he had done anything 
out of the ordinary? 

Graveur. You have heard of the Baron and me? 

Richard. That was different. You couldn't pick up 
a newspaper or magazine without reading about one or 
the other of you. 

Huysman. And every week during the war did not 
French magazines and papers come to your mother's 
home? 

(Caryl, Guy and Richard look at each other in sur- 
prise. ) 

Caryl. Why — ^yes, 
Guy. Of course 



Richard. Yes, I read 'em — sometimes. 

Graveur. And did you not often find something in 
them about the big American who went over France and 
Belgium risking his life that he might give comfort and 
aid to the homeless women and children ? 

Richard (a terrible suspicion beginning to dawn upon 
him). Good Lord! 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 63 

Caryl (not yet understanding). Richard, what — 
what does he mean ? 

Graveur. You remember some of the thrilHng experi- 
ences he had, and how again and again he barely escaped 
death at the hands of the Germans? 

Richard. Yes — I remember. 

HuYSMAN (breaking in eagerly). Until over France 
and Belgium, wherever there were widowed women and 
fatherless children, the first question they would ask of 
every soldier they met was, "When will he come to us 
again ? When will our Uncle David come ? " 

Caryl (turning pale) Uncle David! 

Guy (inarticulately). Uncle — did you say — did 
you 

Graveur. So it was they called him wherever he went 
over the stricken regions of France and Belgium. 

Caryl (tragically) . And he was our Uncle David? 

HuYSMAN. Yours, and France's, and Belgium's. 

(They all stare in the pitiless curiosity of youth at the 
new hero who is pacing inconspicuously up and 
down rear stage.) 

Richard. Doesn't seem possible. 

Guy. What blind fools we have been! 

Caryl. Oh, how could I 

Graveur. Now do you wonder why we wished to 
slip into your city unrecognized and unsung? We feel 
very humble in the presence of this uncle of yours. 

Uncle D. (whimsically). Oh, Graveur! Graveur! 

Graveur (undisturbed). And would you know why 
we are here? We are but envoys from our grateful 
countries. You may read of us in your magazines, but 
over there where the people have suffered we are as 
nothing compared to him. They love him — all those 
pitiful ones — you can never know how they love him. 
(The little group draws nearer, faces touched with won- 
der and awe.) At last he endured more than man can 
bear, and he was taken sick almost to death. But the 
hospital was crowded with wounded men, and because he 



64 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

would not stay to be a care to anyone, he stole away one 
night when he was still grievously ill. Ah, what a stir 
his going caused among the stricken poor! We, his 
friends, searched for him everywhere, and hundreds of 
half -naked, half -starved little children were begging us 
to tell them what had become of their beloved Uncle 
David. And where was he? In a hospital in England. 
But we did not know that. Not until the war was over 
did he write us to say that he was sailing home to his 
sister in America. {He pauses, looking Richard in the 
eye with piercing glance. The hoy's head is thrown back, 
his jaw set, and he is drinking in every word, for once 
j or get Jul of himself.) Young man, what kind of a hero 
do you now think greatest? 

Richard. Great Heavens, I can hardly think ! Please 
go on, sir ! 

Graveur. Yes, there is more. By this time there were 
none in my country who had not heard of our friend, 
and a cry went up that France should show him her ap- 
preciation. Some said the Legion of Honor, but the 
people said, " No, let it come from them and be a sacri- 
fice." So they started a fund — these stricken ones — and 
into it was poured the pennies they could ill spare, yet 
gave up with tears of gratefulness. And here is their 
gift. (Taking a small case from his pocket.) France 
sent me to deliver this to her beloved friend. Come, 
David! (Uncle David comes forward. He is pale and 
deeply moved. Graveur hands him the case.) In the 
name of a grateful country I bestow this gift upon you. 

(Uncle David takes the box and opens it, then lifts 
from it a silver key fashioned like a cross. He reads 
the inscription on it, then hands it to his sister, too 
moved to speak.) 

Mrs. G. (her voice none too steady). To our Uncle 
David — the Key to the Heart of France. From a grate- 
ful people. 

{The silence of the young people is broken by a mur- 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 65 

mur of amazement : " Isn't it wonderful! " " Oh-h, 
Mr. David!" "And just think — we know him!" 
HuYSMAN now takes a small case from his pocket, 
and again a breathless silence holds.) 

HuYSMAN. I too come bringing gifts. When it was 
learned in Belgium that David was alive and at home, 
a shout went up on all sides, from the highest to the 
lowest, that the most coveted honor in the land be be- 
stowed upon him. So I come direct from the King and 
his people with the Order of Leopold, and the heart of 
all Belgium goes with it. Some day, David, you will 
come back to us, and then there will be no parades and 
banquets, but wherever you go you will be welcomed 
with tears of joy, and you will be asked to share alike the 
poor man's crust, and the rich man's feast. 

Uncle D. (half laughing, yet with tears in his eyes, as 
he catches hold of the two men and shakes them vigor- 
ously). Shut up, both of you, before these poor chil- 
dren begin to think I'm a kind of a he-Pollyanna ! Con- 
found you oily-tongued foreigners, you'll be wanting to 
kiss me next! 

{A shout of laughter from the two visitors is caught 
up in a gale of excited merriment by the young 
people. Richard takes advantage of the tense mo- 
ment by shouting to his comrades.) 

Richard. Nine rahs for Uncle David! 

(It is given hilariously, and then all make a rush for 
the new hero and his distinguished visitors. All but 
Caryl. She watches them for a few undecided 
moments, and then turns away, her face a play of 
the conflicting emotions of joy and humiliation. Her 
uncle sees her and slips from the crowd to her side.) 

Uncle D. What is troubling you now, my dear? 
Caryl. Oh, Uncle David, I'm not fit to tie your shoe- 
strings ! 



66 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO i 

Uncle D. (laughing). Then I'll have to wear spats 
with buttons on them. 

Caryl (reproachfully). If I had only known about 
the wonderful things you did in the war! Why didn't 
you tell us ? 

Uncle D, I wanted you to love me — to come to me 
of your own accord, and not be influenced by the little 
I had done over there. 

Caryl (happily). And I did come, didn't I, Uncle 
Davia? 

Uncle D. You surely did. That old brick wall came 
down without any fireworks. 

(At this moment Caryl and her Uncle are discovered 
by Mildred.) 

Mildred. That stingy old Caryl, to slip off with 
Uncle David! 
Jerry, Bet on Caryl! 

(And the young people flock around them, noisily pro- 
testing. Mrs. Greenwood is left slightly to the rear 
with the foreigners, Richard lingering uncertainly 
between the two groups.) 

Guy (truculently). Thought you'd give us the slip, 
did you, Miss Greenwood? I'd have you know he is as 
much my uncle as yours. 

Caryl. Well, poor man, he can't help that. 

(The laugh is on GuY who does not yet admit his de- 
feat.) 

Uncle D. Anything more you'd care to say, Guy ? 

Guy (with dignity). Uncle David, how does that 
poem start that Kipling wrote about a woman? 

Caryl (quickly). I know. "A fool there was " 

Guy (disgusted). You shut up! 

Uncle D. (chuckling). Better let her alone, boy. 
And now while you are all here I want to show you 
something — the most interesting relic and keepsake I 
brought with me from abroad. ( They gather closer with 



HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 67 

renewed interest. Richard, who has been standing hack, 
seemingly a hit out of it, now draws nearer, impelled by 
curiosity. Uncle D., whimsically.) I wonder if any 
of you hav6 seen this before ? 

{He holds up the ring so all can see. Guy, Tom and 
Richard gase at the familiar piece of jewelry in 
amazement; after which Guy stares indignantly at 
Tom, Tom glares at Richard, Richard turns an out- 
raged glance upon Caryl, who faces her uncle in 
speechless astonishment. From the others comes 
a chorus of recognition.) 

Guy. Great snakes ! Where did he get that ? 

Mildred. I thought it belonged to Tom! 

Jerry. It's Guy's — I saw him with it ! 

Jean. Why, Richard had it on this morning! 

Bob. You're crazy. I saw Caryl wearing it an hour 
ago! 

Caryl. Uncle David, did you say you brought it 
from — France ? 

Richard {with dignity). Would you mind telling me 
how you got it? 

{He looks meaningly at Caryl and then at Uncle 
David.) 

Uncle D. {shrewdly). From France, you mean? 

Richard {shortly). No sir, recently. 

Uncle D. I'm afraid it wouldn't be playing fair if I 
did. 

Caryl {her eyes dancing). Didn't you say a king or 
something gave it to you, Uncle David? 

RicuAJiD {growling). You imp! 

Uncle D. {chuckling a moment and then growing 
grave again) . No, Caryl, it came from a girl just about 
your age, and because of that, and because your name is 
Caryl, I am going to give it to you. 

Caryl {amased and enchanted). For my very own! 
Oh, Uncle David! {She embraces him impulsively.) 



68 HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO ! 

Uncle D. For your very own. But you must prom- 
ise me one thing. 

Caryl. Anything ! 

Uncle D. That you will never, never let anyone 
match you for it. 

(Laughing, she ducks her head against him, and the 
curtain goes down amid the laughter of all.) 

CURTAIN 



THE AIR-SPY 
A War Play in Three Acts 
By Mansfield Scott 
Twelve males, four females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, a singls ia- 
terior. Rays an hour and a half. Royalty, ;?io.oo for first, ;?s.oo for 
subsequent performances by same cast; free for school performance. In- 
spector Steele, of the Secret Service, sets his wits agamst those of German 
emissaries in their plot against Dr. Treadwell's air ship, a valuable wai 
invention, and baffles them after an exciting pursuit. An easy thriller, 
full of patriotic interest. Easy to get up and very effective. Strongly 
recommended for school performance. Originally produced by Th» 
Newton (Mass.) High School. 

Price, 55 cents 

CHARACTERS 
Dr. Henry Treadwell, inventor of the Giant Air-ship. 
Victor Lawrence, his pretended friend — a German spy. 
Harold Felton. of the United States Army. 
Carleton Everton, a young Englishman. 
Karl Schoneman. of the German Secret Serviet. 
Franz Muller, his assistant. 
Arthur Merrill, also of the United States Army. 
Inspector Malcome Steele, of the United Stales Secret Service- 
Henry Gootner, a German agent. 
Francis Drury, one of Treadwell' s guests. 
Corporal Thayer. 
Private Freeman. 

Ruth Treadwell, Treadwell's daughter. 
Muriel Lawrence, Lawrence's daughter. 
Mrs. Treadwell. 
Margaret Linden, a friend of Ruth's. 

The Time. — America's second summer in the war. 
The Place. — A deserted mansion on a small island near Ea^t- 
port, Maine. 

SYNOPSIS 
Act I. The afternoon of June loth. 
Act IL The evening of September 21st. 

Act in. Scene I. The afternoon of the next day About 1:30. 
Scene 2. An hour later. 

ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 
A Play in One Act 
By Mary Moncure Parker 
Twelve females. Costumes of 1890 with one exception ; **^»e, a single 
easy interior. Plays thirty minutes. Describes the trials of an ambitious 
woman who desired to form a club in the early days of club life for 
women about thirty years ago, before the days of telephones and auto- 
mobiles. A capital play for ladies' clubs or for older women in genera). 
The costumes are quaint and the picture of life in the year of the Chicago 
World's Fair offers an amusing contrast to the present. Recommended. 
Price, 2S cents 



NO TRESPASSING 

A Play in Three Act« 
By Evelyn Gray Whiting 
Six males, five females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, % single MMf i» 
terior. Plays two hours. Free of royalty. Lisle Irving, a lively " dif 
girl," goes down into the country on a vacation and to get rid of a hus- 
band of her father's choice whom she has never seen, and runs int* the 
»ery man living there under another name. He meets her by accident 
and takes her to be one of a pair of twins who have been living at the 
farmhouse. She discovers his mistake and in the character of both twins 
in alternation gives him the time of his life, incidentally falling in love 
with him. An unusual abundance of good comedy characters, including 
one — Bill Meader — of great originality and humor, sure to make a big 
hit. Strongly recommended. 

Price,SS ^'"^^ 
CHARACTERS 

Bill Meader, "on the town." 

Jim Meader, son of Bill, a boy of sixteen to eighteen, 

Mr. Palmer, a New England farmer. 

Cleveland Tower, a young city fellow, guest of Raymm''^ 

Herbert Edmand Raynor, a young Englishman, 

Mr, Irving, father of Lisle. 

Lisle Irving, a girt of seventeen. 

Peggy Palmer, a girl of eighteen or twenty. 

Mrs. Palmer, Peggy's mother. 

Barbara Palmer, a girl of ten or twelve years^ 

Almbda Meader, a girl about Barbara s a^. 

THE GIRL UP-STAIRS 

A Comedy in Two Acts 

By Gladys Ruth Bridgham 

Seven females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, an interior. Plays an 

«our. Daisy Jordan, crazy to get " on the stage," comes to New York 

add starves there in a lodging house waiting for her chance. She schemes 

to get an interview with Cicely Denver, a popular actress, to act before 

her, but the result is not at all what she intended. A capital play with 

strong and ingenious opportunities for good acting. Recommended. 

Price, 2^ cents 

TICKETS, PLEASE I 

A Comedy in One Act 

By Irving Dale 

Four females. Costumes, modern and fashionable ; scenery, an in< 

lerior, not important. Plays twenty minutes. Mignon asks Charlotte to 

get the theatre tickets, Charlotte asks Maude to get them, Maude hands 

over three to Linda, who leaves two at Mignon's house after she has left 

home. But they get to the theatre somehow. Bright, funny and char 

aeleristic. Strongly recommended /V-mv, 2^(*ntt 



OLD DAYS IN DIXIE 

A Comedy-Drama in Three Acts 

By Walter Ben Hare 

Five males, eight females. Scene, a single interior. Costumes of the 
period. Plays two hours and a quarter. Beverly Bonfoey, a high type 
of Southern gentleman, loves Azalea, his mother's ward, but Raoul 
Chaudet, a Canadian adventurer, to whom he has given the hospitality of 
Bonfoey, steals her love. Forced to leave suddenly because of crooked 
money transactions, he persuades her to elope, but this is prevented by a 
wonderfully dramatic device, Beverly then challenges Raoul, who shows 
the white feather and runs away, and Beverly, to save the family lionor, 
assumes the consequences of his swindling transactions. The untying of 
this knot is the plot of a strong play with a genuine Southern atmosphere 
written wholly from the Southern point of view. Royalty, ;fio.oo for the 
first and ^'^.oo for subsequent performances by the same cast. 
Price, jj cents 

CHARACTERS 
The Prologue, the Goddess of the South. 
Madame Bonfoey, mistress of the plantation. 
Azalea, her ward. 
Nancy, Azalea's sister. 
■ •■ Cousin Sallie Sellers, from a neighboring estate, 
Phcebe, a little coquette. 
Mary Rose, Phcebe' s sister. 
Mam' Dicey, the house mammy. 
Beverly Bonfoey, the young heir. 
Judge Pennymint, his uncle. 
Raoul Chaudet, a visitor from Quebec. 
Cameo Ct.E.M.u, from the city. 
Unker Shad, a bit of old mahogany. 

Beaux and Belles of Dixie. 

SYNOPSIS OF SCENES 
Act I. The drawing-room of the Bonfoey Plantation in 1849. 
The letter. 
Act II. The dinner party. The duel. 
Act III. An April morning, three years later. The return. 

THE ORIGINAL TWO BITS 

A Farce in Two Acts 

By Hazel M. Robinson 

fVrUten for and presented by The Invaders Club of the United' 

Baptist Church of Lewiston, Maine 

Seven females. Scene, an interior. Plays twenty minutes. The girh 
vd camp receive a visit from a neighbor and have to borrow the neighbor's 
own dinner in order to feed them. They almost get away with it — not 
quite. Irish comedy character, eccentric aunt, rest straight. 
Price, 2§ cents 



LUCINDA SPEAKS 
A Comedy in Two Acts 
By Gladys Ruth Bridgham 
Eight womea. Scene, an interior ; costumes, modeni. Phtft •■ kear 

and a quarter. Isabel Jewett has dropped her homely middlt Mim*, 
Lucinda, and with it many sterling traits of character, and is not a ▼•ry 
good mother to the daughter of her husband over in Franct. Bmt cir- 
cumstances bring " Lucinda " to life again with wonderful rcMlts. A 
pretty and dramatic contrast that is very effective. Well re«eiiiiiieiid«d. 
Price, 2$ cents 

CHARACTERS 

Isabel Jewett, aged zy. 

Miriam, her daughter, agtdj. 

Mrs. McBierney, aged 50. .-■■' ' 

Tessie Flanders, aged 18. 

Mrs. Douglas Jewett, ag$d4$, 

Helen, her daughter, aged 20, 

Mrs. Fogg, aged 35. 

Florence Lindsey, aged 25, 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — Dining-room in Isabel Jewett' s tenement, Reabwrf* 
October, 1918. 
Act II. — ^The same — three months later. 

WRONG NUMBERS 

A Triologue Without a Moral 
By Essex Dane 
Three women. Scene, an interior ; unimportant. CostumM, modern. 
Plays twenty minutes. Royalty, JS!5.oo. An intensely dramatic episode 
between two shop-lifters in a department store, in which " diamond cuts 
diamond " in a vividly exciting and absorbingly interesting battle of wits. 
A great success in the author's hands in War Camp work, and recom- 
mended in Uic strongest terms. A really powerful little play. 
Price, 2$ cents 

FLEURETTE & CO. 
A Duologue in One Act 
By Essex Dane 
Two women. Scene, an interior ; costumes, modem. Playt twenty 
minutec. Royalty, $5.00. Mrs. Paynter, a society lady who does net 
pay her bills, by a mischance puts it into the power of a struggling dress- 
maker, professionally known as " Fleurette & Co.," to teach her a vSiln- 
able lesson and, incidentally, to collect her bill. A strikingly ingenious 
and entertaining little piece of strong dramatic interest, strongly 
mended. 

Price, 25 cents 



r 



Plays for Junior High Schools 



Sally Luaa 

Mr. Bob 

The Man from Braadon 

A Box of Monkeys 

A Rice Pudding 

Class Day 

Cliums 

An Easy Marie 

Pa's New Housekeepet 

Not On the Program 

The Cool Collegians 

The Elopement of EUeo 

Tommy's Wife 

Johnny's New Suit 

Thirty Minutes for Refreshmeilte 

West of Omaha 

The Flying Wedge 

My Brother's Keeper 

The Private Tutor 

Me an' Otis 

Up to Freddie 

My Cousin Timmy 

Aunt Abigail and the Boyyt 

Caught Out 

Constantine Pueblo Jones 

The Cricket On the Hearth 

The Deacon's Second Wife 

Five Fe'^t of Love 

The Hurdy Gurdy Girt 

Camp Fidelity Girls 

Carroty Nell 

A Case for Sherlock Holmcf 

The Clancey Kids 

The Happy Day 

I Grant You Three WIshe* 

Just a Little Mistake 

The Land of Night 

Local and Long Distance 

The Original Two Bits 

An Outsider 

Oysters 

A Pan of Fudge 

A Peck of Trouble 

A Precious Pickle 

The First National Boot 

flis Father's Son 

The Turn In the Road 

A Half Back's interference 

The Revolving Wedge 

Mose 



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.IBRARY OF CONGRESS 








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Wanted— a Pitcher 


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What They Did for Jenkins 


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BAKER, Hamilton Place, 


Boston, 


Mass. 




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